The Life and Times of Chai

creating space

2010-02-21T13:23:00.003-05:00

i'm always doing something or another. i'm planning, strategizing, and implementing for holla back dc! or creating masterpieces in the kitchen for friends or family. i'm checking in with friends, acquaintances, and mentors through e & snail mail. i'm diving into books that take me into various worlds of thoughts. i'm meeting folks for coffee, vegan donuts, or farmers markets and sharing life experiences. or, i'm reading through tweets and linking to online articles that make you wish technology would just slow the HECK down (sidenote: for lent, i am trying not to curse).

these past two weeks, i've been blessed with what i complain i always have- time. with snowpocalypse and snownotorious, my work shut down, which meant that T, little one, and i were stuck inside doing whatever we wanted. which meant that i watched the hours drift by, while attempting to accomplish as many things on my to do list.

but, then it hit me.

i never really get to spend time at home with T. i never spend QT with myself. so, i decided to let go of my google calendar, my twitter handle, and my planner pad, and jumped into hanging out. i drank wine in the afternoon, watched interesting movies, directed little one + T with where a puzzle piece should go (not yet complete), and laughed (and laughed, and laughed).

i have to admit, that when the work week started last week, i was a bit of a mess. i had to come back to the stark reality that all that scheduling and creating to do lists never left the house, they were just waiting to pounce back on me. so i went 200% and it became miserable, until chunks of unscheduled time started to appear again. other folks were just as disheveled as i. they were seeking to postpone meetings, with apologies, of course. i took their apologies and did my happy dance.

learn to slow down, control yourself, and take it to the dance floor.

January Goals/ February Aspirations

2010-01-31T22:50:00.003-05:00

In the spirit of accountability, I am sharing my monthly goals. It's nice to have a list of things you want to accomplish and accomplish them. I'm proud of what I have done the first month of this new year.

January 2010 goals:

Lose five pounds.--I lost three.
Run/weight train at least twice during work week/once on weekend.-- I did that for two weeks.
Create financial forecast for year and budget for month. We did a fairly good job at keeping up with it.
~~Redevelop DVRP Board application.~~
~~Read one book that is business related.~~
Finish "The Corrections."--Goshdarnknit. I couldn't finish it still. Such a bad habit.
~~Get anniversary dates of friends and family.~~
~~Brainstorm proper systems for HBDC!.~~
Plan weekly menus.--Ooh, so close. But, fell during the last week.
Try on all my business clothes. Donate/tailor/trash.--Argh. Too Lazy To Try.
Reorganize downstairs office.--Sorta, but not done yet.
Clean out garage.--Ha.
~~Sign-in to local time bank~~and do four hours.--No one wanted my services.
Create vision folder.--Almost done.
~~Write.~~--Yeah to blogging and other forms of writing!
~~Send off snail mail to two friends and 28 cent project.~~

Not too shabby, right?

Here is my list of aspirations for February (a.k.a., the shortest month of the year!):

Turn in all HBDC! conference proposals on time.
Set-up downstairs book case.
Pamper myself twice this month.
Reach out to two female business owners for advice.
Get C&C branding.
Transfer C&C on to different platform.
Develop communications strategy for HBDC!
Work on HBDC! website.
Finish up interviewing potential DVRP ED candidates and hire someone.
Raise $25K for DVRP. Yes, $25K.
Start gratitude journal.
Create two hour space for me every week.
Shut down work/computer by 11:30P every day.
Watch one documentary movie
Finish two novels.
Attend PPFA-DC's book club.
Start FB project.
Finish creating office space downstairs.

Unleashing My Small Business Dream

2010-01-26T08:58:00.005-05:00

On Sunday, Ana came over with a small baby's worth of magazines in honor of my request. In exchange, I made her white bean, sausage, and kale soup, topped off with vegan earl grey cupcakes with a lemon glaze. We chatted for a long time about our current dreams, our new ventures, and where we want to go.

This year, I came in with the resounding fact that my life is going to put on a different path. I know what path I would like to be on, and the doors of opportunity will open ever so slightly. Sometimes, you got have confidence about these things, right?

I dream of owning my own cafe, a space that reflects the needs of my community, my stomach, and my ears. I want a place where there is live music playing every day, while I knosh on a vegan sandwich and drink fair trade tea. I want a place where a collective of women can rent out for a book signing event or a clothing swamp or a ladies' political discourse meeting. I want a place where free lancers can rent an "office" where they can meet their clients in privacy, yet not have to pay exobinent amount of money to do so. I want to hire women-owned businesses to stock the food, the drinks, the construction, the interior designing, the electrical, the lighting, everything from top to bottom. But, the kicker is that I want this place to be a cooperative restaurant. One that you can pay some set amount of money and get a discount on food prices/renting and can attend a once-a-month meeting to discuss everything.

Wouldn't you love to kick it at this place? I most certainly would.

While walking around and ruminating about this idea this weekend, I found myself reading one of the DC History posts. It was a post that is located in my old hood but I never had read it before. While reading the history of Adams Morgan, I couldn't stop reading that the founder of Toy "R" Us started in DC. The store that I grew up in started here? Who would have thought that? I couldn't stop smiling.

Maybe I divulged too much information to the masses (hi loyal three readers!!), but I want to be held accountable as I walk down this road. I want to share how I will make my dreams a reality, even if the dream is split into tiny baby steps.

I'm P.O. Boxed In

2010-01-20T22:48:00.002-05:00

my friend started a project appropriately titled "the 28 cent project." once a month, you receive an email from the project with a story, a topic to write about, and a pen pal. you write on a postcard, using the prompt (or not), and add a 28 cent stamp to send it off to your pen pal. it's a fairly simple concept, but one that delights my soul. as my close friends and family know, i'm a sucker for snail mail.

on my to do list today, i had "go to post office and get 2 cent stamps." so i waited until 4P to go to the local office, which is conveniently located a block away. i get to the post office and the line is * t h i s * long. there are two people at the counter and a bagillion people in line. i look to my phone to check the date. yeah, january 20th. it was wild.

as a i stood in line for my 2 cent stamp, i just stared at the ladies behind the counter. i was frustrated with their lack of speediness. all i could do was judge. i started to judge dc and how it isn't like NYC. i judged them for not caring about our lives, our work schedules, our needs. i started to see myself get angry. i paused, took a deep breathe, and said to myself, "you have a choice to get frustrated and angry or to take this as an opportunity to relax." i relaxed, soft gaze and all....and started flipping through facebook. :)

it's crazy how many opportunities like my post office incident arise for us every day. we have to remember that we have a choice to react the way we do.

2010-01-18T22:26:00.002-05:00

i write this with the sounds of howling fill up my home. T loves to howl with Chandi. after finishing up the three to five minute rendition, he exclaims, "good girl! good girl!" ahh, the things we teach our pup.

i've written so many blog posts in my head during my hiatus. i wrote about truth, house hunting, gossip, laughter in pain, and smelly socks. i wrote about moving, transitions, and impermanence. i wrote about love, heart break, and attaining our goals. through all of this "writing," i never wrote. as i sat down at a table over a teaism, with a collection of books and a new notebook, i read "the four agreements." i read about how our fears pause us from doing things that bring us joy. "am i good enough?" or "who is reading this and what do they think?" are thoughts that have crossed my mind. and surprisingly to me, they stalled me.

i stopped writing due to fear and not creating space for my happiness. i can't say that i overcame my fears, but i am slowly gearing back up to making my joy the number one priority instead of prioritizing other things.

okay--nuff about not writing, right?

Time Suck

2009-09-05T06:40:00.002-05:00

I get lost in the morning. Over the past two days, I've been waking up at 5:30am and unable to go back to sleep. I get up with such gusto, thinking that I will take charge of the day, do all the things I can't do when the rest of the family is up. Instead, I find myself reading useless articles on the internet, flipping through photographs of people that live on my second (and sometimes third) moons, or cleaning out my inbox and getting trapped in answering the deep question, "subscribe or unsubscribe?"

Instead, I have a clear desire to write. I have a clear goal of meditating and practicing yoga. I have many articles bookmarked for intellectual stimulation. One of my favoritest meals is breakfast, so I can make breakfast. And, of course, nothing beats running in the morning as a quick pick me up.

And yet, I get stuck. I'm going to try and get out of this bad habit of tech heavy mornings and switch it to more activity and creativity based mornings. Just writing that gave me a sense of peace.

Sitting On the Dock of the Bay...

2009-06-10T20:25:00.004-05:00

I'm writing this with a slurpee next to me. I've forgotten how much I loved these drinks. Anyway, it is crazy to be back in the hood. I have come to terms with the following:

As of right now, I can't see myself moving back to the Bay Area willingly.

Phew. I wrote it. It feels strange writing that, almost like a traitor. But, the reality is that this place is no longer me. Most of my friends that live out here are in the private sector or education. I, on the other hand, am not and will never be. I get the feeling that too many people out here are way into superficial things, like where you bought your house, the car you drive, and newest gadget you have. Now, I know each place has its thing. NYC has "oh my god, have you been to this new place or this hidden gem?" and DC has "oh my god, i know this politician's son and we are going to the World Bank's holiday party." So, I get it. But, for some reason, hidden superficiality makes me comfortable.

And, honestly, I don't dig having a car. Scratch that. I don't dig NEEDING a car to get around everywhere. It's annoying.

But, I love this place because it is home. It has given shelter, love, community, and delicious veggies to the people I love the mostest. And it holds a lot of memories than I can possibly remember. To the Bay, I love you, but I got to go back to the East.

A Really Long Weekend

2009-05-25T18:25:00.002-05:00

The summer is finally here. It's amazing how fast this year has gone by. Didn't we just vote in Barack Obama? Weren't we getting over our Christmas lull, followed by winter blues? Weren't we just craving soups and crackers, while willowing away in our kitchens filled with untouched cookbooks?

Now I'm carrying a bigger bottle of water, a small face towel, and sunscreen. With all this humidity we face some hours of rain, so my bag also has a small umbrella. Ahh, the lovely DC summer has arrived on the scene.

This year has been wild. I've made strides in my professional career, including being selected for boards of two non-profits. I'm trying to continue to my hand at developing my own voice and criticism on theories and "this is how it has always been." I've been sought out by various media outlets for interviews, which has followed up by my desire to develop a media presence on issues I deem worthy being on our society's collective conscience. And, I've been applying to present at various conferences across our country on teen dating violence and sexual violence.

While the professional cup is overfilling, my personal life is also runneth over with projects. One project that has definitely been eating up a lot of time, but I'm damn proud of it. My friend and I started a blog documenting gender based public sexual harassment in the Washington, DC area. Surprisingly we have received a lot of fanfare from friends, strangers, and loved ones. It's been a trip. And, with that, I've been brainstorming a few book proposals! I realized, during my time away from Chat & Chai, that I enjoy, even gravitate towards, writing. All of this action on top of planning a youth convention for my community of Indians, another conference for Desi youth in the DC area, and a street harassment conference in October. Some how, I promise you, I'm still able to sleep.

I feel a little rusty coming back to this backdrop of public sharing in hopes that people get me. I'm thinking of different approaches to this blog to make it more cohesive and approachable instead of a diary. However, I'll explore that with you all another day.

Welcome back! :) I'm going to make myself a beautiful light dinner and enjoy that meal with T and Chandi.

Because I Love It

2009-02-17T09:19:00.002-05:00

I hope everyone had a lovely V-day, Anti-V-day, long weekend, or weekend. I had the opportunity to watch Coraline in 3D, see a rare photo of Abe Lincoln, and eat some yummy vegan Mac N' Cheese at Soul Vegetarian. Plus I took the famous 70 bus home! All of that was balanced with an emergency trip to the animal hospital (Chandi is a fighter), attending a goodbye party for a daily family member (*co-worker*) who was laid off, and feeling drained by work and other projects.

But, I got to play out one of my passions. I carved out time to cook this weekend, which has been rare in the past two weeks due to my travel and work schedule. I am delighted to share with you an adapted recipe included in "How To Cook Everything Vegetarian" by Mark Bittman. I love okra and bought a bag of frozen cut okra at HMart last weekend. I found this salad to be delish and a source of comfort as I craved my mom's food.

Crisp Okra Salad

Oil for deep frying
1 pound frozen okra, stemmed and cut round
1/2 small red onion, thinly sliced
2 small or 1 medium tomato, cored, seeded and julienned
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1/2 lemon or more as needed
1 1/2 teaspoons chaat masala, or more to taste
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 teaspoon kosher salt, or more to taste
1/2 teaspoon asafoetida

1. Defrost frozen okra following instructions on bag.

2. Put at least 2 inches of oil in a countertop deep pan on the stove over medium-high heat. Bring to 350F.

3. Remove any liquid from defrosted okra. Add chili powder, 1/2 tea salt, and asafoetida and mix. Make sure all other ingredients are ready to go.

4. Fry the okra in batches small enough not to crowd your pan and be sure to let the oil return to 350F between batches. Fry it until crisp, 5 to 7 minutes- the seeds will swell, and it will be deeply colored at the edges- then transfer to paper towels to drain.

5. Toss the okra with the onion, tomato, and cilantro. Squeeze lemon juice over all, season to tatste with chaat masala and salt, and serve.

Quiet

2009-02-11T08:14:00.002-05:00

Having peace and quiet when living with another human and a dog is a luxury. I try to wake up early to hang out with Silence. Silence, although a bit creepy, wraps around me and shares it's warmth. When I wake up early, I have the ability to make our lunches, to write, to read, to meditate. I feel less rushed, less hungry, and more fulfilled.

I, however, don't enjoy Silence at night. If I have work or my extracurricular goes past my bedtime, I hate being awake by myself. I feel really anxious and anger starts bubbling up. Usually I have to watch the tube to make my body comatose before heading into the bedroom. I do enjoy seeing Chandi and T asleep, but honestly I want to see that in the AM rather than the PM.

I even enjoy Silence in conversations when the person(s) you are conversing with is a connected soul. I don't like talking all the time (as opposed to those who have to talk [or "talk"] all the time) and Silence gives our mind the space to regroup and reconnect. When I travel, I usually don't listen to my iTouch, canvassing my mind with podcasts, long lost albums, and videos. I close my eyes and just listen. I write down lists of things to do in my planner pad. I read. But, I hone in on Silence.

What are your thought on Silence?

Three Beautiful Things: Resurrection Edition

2009-02-06T07:51:00.002-05:00

Reading friends' 25 Things About Me posts via Facebook. I know some folks are hating on it, but I really enjoy reading these gems about my friends.
Making my own meals after a week of eating out. As much as I love eating out, I don't like eating out for every.single.meal. It makes me feel ick. (Side note: I learned how to make sambar and idlis! To me, that is my soul food. Can't wait to share the recipes and pics.)
Sharing a blanket and a nighttime with T.

3bt

Stuffed Head

2009-02-04T18:06:00.004-05:00

I hate feeling I am getting sick. It is the worst feeling because you are just waiting for it to hit. And when it hits, at least you can deal with it. Do you take meds before you start a cold? I don't.

I can't believe it is already the fourth day in the second month of the ninth year in the second millenia after the birth of Christ. Crazy, eh? Many of you have been saying how fast time is flying. I hear you.

Speaking of hearing you, I fell in love with Wally Lamb's writing. He is an awesome writer, isn't he? I know that I am late to jump on this wagon, but I can't stand reading Oprah blessed books and then I eventually ban the author. However, when people are getting rid of books and giving them to you, you end up with popular titles on your bookshelf. They leap in your lap when you need a book to read on your cross-country flight.

Later this month, I'm going to two areas of our nation that I haven't been to in my adult years. I am excited. Wanna know where? One place hails as the happiest place in the universe. The other has a needle.

I finally figured out why I don't blog as often. It's not because I don't have time. I do. It's not because I don't have material to write about. I do. It's not because I think blogging is ancient. I don't. It's not because I don't like you. I do. It's because my laptop is now a desktop due to unforeseen circumstances and therefore I can't plug-in where ever I want. Hopefully a laptop fairy will grant me my laptop wish soon (I can do with a refurbished Apple). :)

The First Four Days

2009-01-09T00:20:00.003-05:00

My first four days of 2009 were stress filled. I didn't shed any tears, but I was on automatic pilot for most of the time. I decided, in early December, that I would do all my volunteer shifts for the local rape crisis center back to back. The volunteer coordinator didn't discourage me from signing up for the shifts and I didn't think too much of it.

In four days, working six hour shifts, I reported to the hospital twice to be an advocate for three survivors. We get called into the hospital if there is a victim there who is about to go through the sexual assault examination, a.k.a. the rape kit, so we can be the victim's advocate. When I wasn't on call for the hospital, I was on hotline. I counseled nine sexual assault victims, including one who identified herself as suicidal. Man, it was a crazy set of days. The silver lining is that I learned a heckuva lot. I learned that I need to be around people when I am stressed out about societal ills. I learned that I get really agressive and want things done immediately after being a support to a rape victim. I learned that listening is 90% of healing. I learned that we can all connect with one another regardless of our situations and plight. I learned that family and friends (which equals community) is the golden ticket.

It was an important few days as it centered and grounded me. Never take what you have for granted. Never.

Sunday News Round Up

2008-12-28T15:14:00.002-05:00

dutt duutttt duttt duttttt: news round up from the life and times of chai: dutt duuuttt dutt dutttt

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen and thank you for joining me here, at Life and Times of Chai. I am your host Chat.

This week has been an interesting ride of emotions. On Monday, T got news that his grandfather is ill and may pass away in 7 to 10 days. Being a great grandson and son, T decided to prepone his trip to California to say his goodbyes to his beloved Kaka. T, a married man with obligations and desires to spend the holidays with his nuclear family, felt very torn. After a delayed flight from BWI and a stay over in ATL, T made it safe and sound in California. As of print, T's grandfather is still alive and his heart rate has stabilized.

On Tuesday, Chai and PS followed Vlove's recipe for clinatro hummus and then downed a bottle of white wine. In the midst of drinking and eating, they had several lovely girl bonding moments ("he did what?" "you mean, that is what that means?" "ooooh, it totally makes sense." "his loss.").

On Wednesday, Chai's dog Chandi decided that the house was her grass area where she poops. She pooped twice inside the house. That meant Chai kept cleaning and feeling bad for her sick dog. She arrived at work late but then had to leave because she signed up to volunteer for four hours at the DC Court house. No one came in for consulting so, she read a law review article on case theory. DC felt abandoned but that was because everyone and their moms (literally) were in line at the super market. She got a few items for the pre-Christmas show which included vegan enchiladas and beer. She even tried out this new gadget where you scan your grocery items while you are shopping. It was pretty "In the Year 2000" like.

On Thursday, Chai went to the movies and lost three valuable baking time hours watching "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." It was the w-o-r-s-t movie. She gave it 1 sour gummy bear out of five. She raced home to make sure Chandi was doing okay, cancelled plans with friends for Xmas dinner, and stayed at home taking care of the dog. She was also on hotline with the Rape Crisis Center. She talked to one woman for an hour and it sorta freaked her out. Oh, she also made cinnamon rolls from scratch!

On Friday, Chai entered the deserted DC downtown area and skipped to work with her arms held wide-open. She met up with SDM and her lovely girl, Grier for Thai food. After a long lunch, Chai went back to work to finish up her holiday cards to her professional contacts. Chai left early to take care of her boss' cats, which is ironic because she is allergic to cats and is not a true lover of cats (although Turkey and Greece began the process of change). She spent a total of half an hour with her boss' two beautiful, long-haired cats, a long time for Chai and two cats in a confined space.

On Saturday, T and Chai chatted a lot as a way of sharing their second anniversary together. In the midst of their phone call, Chai's phone died while she was creating a day of fun in 60 degree weather. She woke up, ran two miles, dressed for herself (!!), felt and looked hot, walked to the indie movie theatre and watched "Rachel Getting Married", got a pedi, bought a dress and boots, found two bottles of riesling at the wine store, and then headed over to Whole Foods for the hot bar and "Yoga Journal." She came home to a clean house, opened one of the bottles of wine, and enjoyed her meal.

On Sunday, Chai made rice pudding and had a lovely meal with her friend SK. She continued reading Jhumpa Lahiri's short stories and played with Chandi.

That is the round up, folks. We look forward to having you at our next edition of the Sunday News Round Up next year. Goodnight and namaste.

dutt duutttt duttt duttttt dutt duuuttt dutt dutttt

2008-12-22T00:00:00.004-05:00

i'm currently waiting for my first call of the evening. my shift, starting at midnight, is an awkward one. i'm usually asleep by 11ish and get woken up to a call. tonight, i am awake and it is midnight. i'm awake partly because i had to frost my vegan sugar cookies, partly because i had to talk to my mom, but mostly because i got into a fight with T. as most of our fights, it was a stupid fight. something to do with a misplaced/lost metro card, which led down the same dirt path, past the same post signs that we miss, and down the dirty swamp of words being hurled past each other.

this season is often our worst. even when we were dating, we usually fought during the holidays. and, lucky for us, our anniversary is on saturday. we don't mean harm. it is often built up anxiety, frustrations, and end of the year crap that is figuring out a way to-- boom! diarreha of the mind, body, and soul. usually when we spew it out, it gets all figured out and we go back to our love, passion, and romance.

lately i've been catching myself comparing our relationship to the Others. those sweet, always perfect Others. as awesome as it is to see friends (or rather Facebook friends) smiling and laughing, traveling and touring, with their partners, i developed a chip. it is a heavy chip, probably one in which i am projecting my desires to travel (already forgetting that i spent three weeks in turkey and greek island hopping earlier this year) with T, and uploading photos of me laughing and smiling avec my beau. but it is more than the "let me compare mine to yours" syndrome that developed this chip.

i blame bollywood. as a recent study showed, romantic movies have a negative side effect for women: you actually think that is how life is. now, i don't think this is gender specific. well, it definitely isn't in my relationship, where for the first year of my marriage, i was constantly trying to measure myself to claire huxtable because T would. yes, you read right. at first it was a joke, and then it become the stick...the yard stick to which wives would need to stand up against. but, i digress.

i grew up on bollywood. my first love was aamir khan. after watching dil, i grew to love that man. you know, the man that will persuade you to leave your parents and family to start your own. the one that would say the right things, have the right dance moves, and cajole you with his spot on lyrics. of course i wasn't delusional. i knew it was bollywood, but the underlining premise remained the same: the knight in shining armor who accepted you for you, no matter how hard he had to battle for you.

it wasn't a bollywood movie, but the concept behind a hollywood movie i was watching for the second time (p.s. i love you) that made my chip heavier and toxic.* i started to swirl in my own emotions of what love is, where love should go, and how far it should be willing to travel. i created my own fantasies and, although healthy in teaspoons, is deadly in cups. so, this, along with the regular anxieties led to an outburst and then a period of frenzied baking to make up for the crazies.

and there is my rational explanation to my insomnia. :)

* when i first watched that movie, it made me want to gag while poking my eye out with a spork. when watching it the second time, the moon was in my seventh house and i couldn't hold back the floodgates to tears. don't judge me.

Nervous Energy

2008-12-03T06:30:00.002-05:00

Over the past few weeks, I've been dealing with bouts of nervous energy. I can't pinpoint what is causing some of this negative energy beyond the normal hulabaloo like work, work-life balance, and life. But, instead of constantly reacting to it, I am trying to be more proactive. This has meant accepting, feeling, and not pushing it out of the way.

Nervous energy is one of the ways your body and mind communicate. Although I don't know the reason, I do know that it is fairly common for me to feel a bit more buzzed during November through January. The holidays brings its share of fun, along with stress. Questions regarding gifts, finances, and travel are always floating around in conversations.

Last year, I was very organized about gift giving. We had a list, a set amount, and a plan of action. I was also very interested in sending holiday cards and making homemade treats for our neighbors and work colleagues.

This year, I am taking a low key approach. I am still going to do a round (or two or three) of baking for neighbors and co-workers. I'm not too keen on sending holiday cards. Instead, we may do an video card to our family and friends. And, with the families we have come to a consensus to partake in Secret Santa and donating money to charity on behalf of the family elders.

I'm excited about executing these plans. Like I keep dishing to everyone, I espouse to the yogic principle of "being present through breathing." Deep breathing always calms down my nervous energy.

My FB Status

2008-11-20T09:11:00.002-05:00

"Chai loves her Hallmark cards. I really *love* cards."

I do. I really love cards. I love sending them, I love receiving them, I love writing notes in them. I'm keeping to my 108 in 2008 (#54 & #57) and sending snail mail as often as possible. It is sorta easy with Little One and SIL in India, birthday reminders via Facebook, and having blank cards available anywhere and everywhere.

Why should you send out a card?

Uses your creativity to come up with the perfect card representing the person you are sending it to;
Forces you to take time to write and check in on your handwriting;
Makes the recipient loved and cherished; and
You get to use a stamp and figure out where the closest post office is in your neighborhood (and if you are lucky, get to know a post officer..some are really nice!)

Beyond the holiday card sending craziness, I hope you find time to send out cards through out the year.

Three Beautiful Things

2008-11-14T07:30:00.002-05:00

Falling asleep with T's arm around me and Chandi snuggled in between us, snoring.
Listening to the excitement in Amma's voice with the notion of seeing each other soon. I heart it when people get excited to be with me, particularly family.
Being surrounded by fellow rape crisis counselors at a meeting and remembering why I am in the anti-violence movement.

3bt

There are Some That Never Go Away

2008-11-13T07:58:00.003-05:00

Do you mull over stupid comments you make? Sometimes my mouth just runs off without its duly partner, my brain. Then I sit and ponder if my comment made sense or if it came off rude. I made such comment yesterday. It was meant to be mean to my husband, but it may have come off mean to another person's husband. And by mean to my husband, I was trying to lift the other person's husband up by graciously putting mine down. It sounds much more complicated than it was (I don't want to restate the comment.). The other person didn't flinch and probably didn't take it in any mean light towards her husband. But, I sat there for three hours after the fact wondering if I should apologize and make light of the situation or just keep moving. I did the latter.

One mean comment needs another in this world for balance, right? Yesterday, a newly made friend (NMF) and I were chatting away.

NMF: "So, how often do you get your eyebrows done?"
Me (laughing): "Well, you should get them done every two weeks, but, you know..."
NMF: "Yeah, at my waxing place, I would make appointments for every two weeks. They knew when I was coming in. I am pretty militant about my hair. (laughter)"
Me: "I used to be diligent on getting mine done, but marriage kinda soothes that desire. So now I go when I get a free chance."
NMF (laughing): "Oh, Chai! Come on. You wear flannel pjs when you go to bed?"
Me (sorta uncomfortable laughing): "Yes."
NMF: "You are every man's worst nightmare."

Am I? I get my eyebrows done every two to three weeks and I wear really comfortable sweats to sleep. Does that really make me every man's worst nightmare? I can't seem to shake that comment off even with T's desire that I be real. I have no desire to remove all my hair. I have no desire to wear sexy lingerie to bed every.single.day. Having no hair and wearing no clothes makes me COLD.

Because I am every man's worst nightmare, I feel guilty not keeping up with the ~~Jones~~ Jills. Is this what all married women do? Do we all try to fit into this mold of hair removal rituals and wearing the best lingerie in the world to sooth our men's desires? I know I write this from a heteronormative world, but I'm sure the push to do something and maintain the status quo is strong in same-sex and bisexual couples. Are those who don't want to fit in the mold considered outsiders and outliers? Are we really nightmares to those men and women who are afraid of commitment?

After her comment, I had visions of me with a bottle of wax just waxing off my hair. I had visions of me with thread, threading my own eyebrows. I had visions of me wearing scantily appropriate lingerie in bed. I'm exhausted just writing those three sentences, let alone doing those activities. I am who I am. I have never played to the status quo. T loves me for who I am. And yet, this NMF (who may not really be an "F" at all), had to bring it there. Why?

Three Beautiful Things: I'mtoobusyonFriday Edition

2008-11-01T06:59:00.002-05:00

Listening to T say, "Chandi, we are a family again!" as soon as I step into the apartment from my business trip.
Washing and drying pumpkin seeds.
Sharing moments at the grocery store, metro, and any where in between with my mom over the phone as we decide on the menu for the Diwali party.

3Bt

Y'all, I am super excited for tonight's Diwali party. I can't wait to share the recipes and photos of the occasion. T and I have spent a lot of time thinking about this party. During the planning, it dawned on us yesterday morning that this is our FIRST party we are throwing together! Isn't that wild? Yes we threw parties when we were in law school, but this is our first grown up party. We couldn't do it in Manhattan due to space. And our NYC parties were more like frat parties that included nothing more than tons of beers and chips. For a preview, this party will have pomtinis, ginger infused drinks, and tandoori tofu, with lots of Crate & Barrell items.

I can't wait to share some hip new recipes that I hope you incorporate not only in your party planning, but also in your daily life.

- Chai

obama movie -live blogging

2008-10-29T19:00:00.004-05:00

getting goosebumps from the music.
i like his hand movements.
he is trying to unify us. that is amazing.
it's not all about joe the plumber.

8:02
mommy, missouri.
the tween girl totally knows she is being taped.
torn ACL, damn.
LABELER!!! seeeeeee.
pee wee moms.
paying dem bills. it is hard.
totally, i don't remember when i didn't think about bills.

8:04
the democratic convention piece.
back to the cabin. is that him and michelle in the background?
hmm, what is the middle class?
yes, no tax breaks for those taking our jobs overseas.

i wanna own a small business soon.

interruption by T and SKP.

8:06
this is like story corps, but in flesh.
i wish obama came to my home. i would make him a cup of chai.

oooh, kathleen, i wish you were our VP.
deval, i'm in your state!

8:07
railway man, ohio
i love the guitar.
wow, that is awesome that they have their home paid for!
DAMN. that is alot of medicine.
WHAAAAAAT? 12 different meds? But why?
he works at Walmart. They don't give proper health care. what a bummer situation.
Man, that is like my grandfather working. 72. i shudder to think.

yes, hillar--er--obama, we do need to take action on health care.

energy reform. i need an energy bar right now.
a tax credit would be nice. we would get a prius.
i do the three Rs.
he is wearing a flag pin.

8:12
wow, he sounds like a traditional republican. isolationism. i completely agree with him. let's bring the money back to US.

this is a staged audience right? notice no one is wearing a shirt with a logo on it.

8:13
widow, new mexico
she works at RFK.
most educators do have second jobs.
i like ms. sanchez. she's like me, always doing something.
i know, FOOD is sooooo expensive. it really is.

8:15
education. get rid of NCLB.
yes, please read to your child.

obama was such a cutie when he was kid.
wow, i didn't know he only met his father once for a month. that is incredible.

8:16
back in denver.
but, see we need PAID child care, along with education.

computerized records isn't that great of an idea. identity fraud, medical records privilege, and other hacking abilities.

8:18
life is short. you are seizing it, obama. you really are.
there is oprah. ha.

8:19
i love his kids. i love his relationship with his kids.
okay, crying.

8:20
i heard that speech via NPR years ago in la. it gave me a lump in my throat then...and now.
there is a indo in the background.

reach across the aisle..

8:21
scrannnton. the office. haha.
T's favoritest politician- Mr. Biden.

8:22
Ford, Kentucky
AWW. Hello Kitty!!
Third gen? really?

But why do they eat out? Stay at home and eat healthy food. Prevention.
Man...eight years later?
We all are in the same boat. Wow.

8:24
I really like hearing him say "Commander in Chief."
He gave her a hug? She looked quite happy.

Yes, a leader that can balance war and peace.
Yeah! Desi teens!!

Bill you got to get rid of your strap.
Another desina!

Always? Be careful, Obama, be careful

8:27
Live from Florida
Not really digging his tie.
In S-I-X days?? Really? I can't believe Election Day is almost here!
I will choose hope over fear, unity over division, promise of change over status quo.

One nation.
One people.

"We love you Obama!!"

YES! I will call and knock on the doors. I will stand with you and cast my ballot for you. YES!!

OBAMA-BIDEN!
Wooooooooo hooooooo

traveling while vegan

2008-10-28T21:31:00.002-05:00

I always forget how hard it is to be vegetarian while traveling. It's 100 times harder being a vegan. Over the past two days, I have been trying to get my protein from a sandwich/salad cafe or Italian restaurant, while attending a work-related conference in Boston. Although I know that most pasta is created through egg, I can't deny myself food. And, being in the financial district, there isn't a grocery store nearby, unless 7-11 falls under that umbrella.

I've been thinking about ways that traveling vegans can make it happen. Here is my list so far:

Bring snacks like fruit leathers, dried fruit, natural trail mixes, and hard skinned fruits (apples/oranges).

For breakfast, fill a ziploc bag with oats. Usually every hotel has a coffee maker where you can get hot water to make oatmeal in the morning. Use your dry fruit as accents to the oatmeal. Oh, and since there is a Starbucks on every corner (or if you are in Boston, a Dunkin' Donut), "take" some honey packets. Although most vegans don't eat honey, I do!

If you are close to a grocery store or a high-end convenient store, stock up on to-go soy or rice milk. Luckily most hotels have mini-fridges where you can safely keep your milk.

Buy vegan power/energy bars. They are last minute helps for keeping your energy up through your travel, while staying healthy.

I hope to keep expanding this tip sheet. Do you have tips? I've really enjoyed my vegan practice since October 1. (N.B. I enjoyed being raw a few weeks ago. Although extremely challenging, my energy level stayed the same as if I was on my regular vegetarian diet. Someone asked me a few days back why I try out all these diets. I enjoy it. I learn a lot about different vegetables, fruits, and combining different earthly goods together to make a yummy dish. Also, I learn to be more open, flexible, and compassionate to myself and others.)

To healthy eating!
Chai

Happy Diwali!

2008-10-28T07:48:00.002-05:00

Happy Diwali/Deepavali to you!

diwali is one of my favoritest holidays! i love it. it incorporates candles, food, and gifts. you can't hate on that.

for those who are celebrating, how do you plan on celebrating?

10.27.08

2008-10-27T22:37:00.002-05:00

I have been working really hard over the past several works. And although it does feel good to be up on my work, I am neglecting my creative projects, along with my self-care rituals. I haven't released my tension and stress in any form, including journaling, running, or talking to friends. I just haven't had the time to do it. Isn't that sad?

It has come to this: I've brought nail polish bottles and a manicure kit to Boston, where I am attending a work related conference.

Has my life really turned upside down where I bring my personal care and projects to work related events? What a strange world. I would like out soon.

Three Beautiful Things: Early Saturday Morning Edition

2008-10-17T23:43:00.003-05:00

Watching a woman in her 60s pop her coller before leaving the Tenleytown Starbucks.
Making a list and crossing everything off.
Giving a college friend who I "talk" to via email/IM a phone call just to say, "Hello." Her surprise and happiness because of my call made me happy all day.

3bt

::+::
October has been zooming by, hasn't it? It's strange when you get a memo from your supervisor with subject "Submit Time Request Forms." Is it already close to Thanksgiving and Winter holidays? We did a preliminary check into airflights to the Bay Area and each round trip flight cost nearly $500, if not more. That is scary.

I finished "The Artist's Way" two weeks back. I'm really proud of myself for actually finishing the 12 week program mostly by myself. It is an amazing program and I highly suggest it to folks who are creatively leaning (and that should be all of us) and those who don't consider themselves creative beings. Either camp will walk away with great creative tools which you could apply to work or hobbies. I've come up with several goals and hope to implement them in the next few weeks.

Ooo, did I tell you that I am training to be a rape crisis counselor? I'm learning so much about listening and showing empathy in ways that don't belittle the sexual assault survivor. The hotline is anonymous, but I am also training to be a hospital advocate. The volunteership is for one year, where you do two phone shifts and two hospital shifts per month. Of course I am concerned about over burdening myself. However, I know I will find continous inspiration through survivors who are courageous enough to make that phone call or go to the hospital. My graduation ceremony is not until the first week of November, so my weekdays are quite busy attending trainings.

So, I hope you understand why I haven't been blogging. I walk down the streets of DC thinking about various blog posts I want to write and I never get to it. And, to make matters worse, my lap top is barely a laptop as the screen is about to detach itself from the keyboard. Ok, enough whining! I'm off to bed. Adieu!

3BT: Early Fall Edition

2008-10-03T19:45:00.003-05:00

Finding warmth via words written on gmail chat.
The smell of fresh from the oven vegan cornbread.
Buying a mini pumpkin, bringing it to work, and receiving many "you-are-so-cute" comments.

3bt

::+::

oh man, this song really gets my legs moving...

i can't write anymore. i am looking forward to chowing down my veggie chili (vegan style meaning sans le cheese) and the vegan cornbread.

Laughing

2008-09-30T05:34:00.002-05:00

My cheeks still hurt from laughing. This past weekend, for reasons known and unknown, became a comedy drama. I had so many ups and downs, I can't believe I didn't throw up after getting off the roller coaster (am I off it?).

To continue with the spirit of highlighting positive (not to the detriment of negative, but I can't do that right now), I watched, with sincere pleasure, two amazingly different and talented comedians.

Saturday night, T and I watched Chris Rock's Kill the Messenger. I am not a huge fan of Rock. I can't say I am a huge fan of most male comedians who litter their dialogues with words like "pussy" or "bitch" to bring down and make fun of (usually black) women. I can't stand that crap. So, I was a bit hesitant to watch, but Rock is also known for speaking up in times of political turmoil. What better time than now, right? Well, the cinematography sucked, as it was a bit dizzying watching the camera angles change every few seconds! The material was aite. He had a wonderful bit about having a career and having a job. It is a blog post waiting to be written. I laughed several times when he discussed politics. But, his gendered jokes fell flat avec moi.

To balance out the black man comedic affairs, we went to watch an Irish, red headed, late forties/early fifties comedienne. Kathy Griffin was hilarious. I am a huge fan of her reality show because she tells it how it is. Although several parts of her show are scripted, it's not bad. Her manager, Tom, set up the stage and got many cheers (he is one of the main characters on Griffin's reality show). Kathy's routine was two hours and fifteen minutes and it was SO funny. OMG. She talked about politics, the Emmys, Lohan, and her mom. Honestly, the woman cracks me up. It must be amazing to see hundreds of people laugh because of YOU. If you ever get a chance to see her, you should. She won't disappoint.

I end with this, as it clearly sums up my weekend:

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. -Kurt Vonnegut

Days Off

2008-09-25T11:27:00.002-05:00

When I wasn't working earlier this year, I really didn't enjoy my days off. I know that part of my time was consumed with studying. The other part was consumed within my own head and heart. I got depressed and didn't do anything except watch television, pirated movies on the internet, and eat to my heart's content (see: March 2008 entries, like this). I don't know why I got in that state of mind, but I did and I didn't take full advantage of not working as I should have. But, I learned.

These past two days have been my days off. I have really taken advantage of different opportunities that have come up. For example, I joined my first pilates class. Yes, pilates. And let me tell you, that activity is HARD. My body is definitely feeling different today. And, I did some mad Fall cleaning. I love the summer to fall seasonal change. It energizes and soothes me (I'm such a Virgo!). Yesterday's cleaning consisted of:

Cleaning our fridge from top to bottom;
Throwing out old spices;
Dusting, vaccuming, and catching spider webs;
Organizing the utility closet; and
Washing all the linens, towels, and other laundry.

My spirit feels lighter. I am going to tackle the filing cabinet this weekend to make room for what Fall has to offer. And...I can't wait to use the labeler. Did I tell you I got one? I love it. Three cheers for organization! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hop hooray?

I also, with great delight, flipped through my new vegan cookbook (thanks, Amma!) and started brainstorming fall treats...and holiday ones!

Yesterday ended with a lovely bath surrounded by essential oils, jasmine, and flickering aromatherapy candles. If you don't know, I left my heart at Lush.

Today is more administrative and catching up with people via email and snail mail. It is also a day of being a kid and learning more about Jim Henson at an exhibit on the Smithsonian Mall. I hope to come home with flowers for our lovely home and with a new sense of how to live out days off.

3BT: Back on Again

2008-09-19T08:06:00.000-05:00

1. Receiving a few comments and emails from people who are excited about reading my posts again. It makes my heart melt.

2. Sitting with my co-worker and figuring out all the places we want to play "tourist" in Los Angeles. I selected Olvera Street. That street holds great memories.

3. Coming home to a lovely spread of raw food. T and SIL figured out how to make raw "spaghetti" (it's thin strips of yellow squash) and sauce. It was yum. Really yum.

3bt

::+::

I am on day 4 of my raw food diet. I don't know if I look better, but I do feel healthy, full, and hydrated. I'm trying to figure out creative ways to be raw without a dehydrator or spending HOURS for my food. One thing that I am a bit weirded out about is that I am really tired. I don't know if my exhaustion is due to other things, like work, extracurriculur activities, and sleeping late. I am not blaming raw food for my tired state of affair. Well, not for right now at least. And, through my diving deeper into nutrition and eating raw foods, T and SIL are both really interested in doing it as well. I am breaking this "diet" tomorrow evening, as I will be partaking in some Mexican food consumption, but I have enjoyed the challenge of eating exclusively raw food.

The moral of these past days: incorporate food in our daily consumption and buy a dehydrator. You know how much I love my tofu jerky. :)

One Month Hiatus

2008-09-15T23:02:00.002-05:00

It is so strange how life becomes an unplanned turn of events, while you are holding on to your planner pad for dear life. I can't tell you where I have been for one month. And as mysterious and exotic as that sounds, I promise you it is not. I've been here. I've been doing the same things I normally do, like working, playing, mixed in with errands, cooking, and going to court. Life has been fun, rough, and introspective.

I've been thinking a lot. Taking time away from writing on this blog allowed- not by choice, but by accident- more concentration towards creative adventures. As I dive deeper through The Artist's Way, I am carving out more paths to find and nurture my creativity. That "finding and nurturing" part takes time. And time, my friends, is often walking out my apartment and slamming the door closed. So many thoughts about the blog, about my words, about YOU have crossed my mind. Oh, believe me this is not a "Dear John" letter, just a "Hi. Can I make you a friendship bracelet?" type of post. I miss the blogging community, the non-blogging community who reads my blog, my friends' comments as I write pontificate (rather poorly) about my life, and connecting to me through a very public domain.

I come back to Chat & Chai with tons of excitement. I am looking forward to a beautiful Fall, filled with new and old friendships, savoring love, and drinking luscious tea. I'm delighted for the Fall colors and refuse to believe what I read today (that the "new" color for fall was black..the galls!). I love oranges, reds, browns, and blacks mixing together in beautiful harmony during this season. I love that darker purples are getting their fair share in the market (thanks Michelle!) this Fall. I'm excited about traveling to different parts of the country to experience a different type of Fall. I am looking forward to the seasonal change with open arms (I guess that is not new).

Here is to blogging and to Fall 2008!

Wishes Do Come True

2008-08-16T10:49:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you have heard the saying, "Be careful what you wish for." I truly believe that. We really do have to be careful what we wish for because often times the wish will happen. The universe conspires to give you want you want, and usually your wants are delivered to the universe in a wish form.

When T and I were in Turkey, we had a wonderful time traveling up and down the coast, exploring the interior/central Turkey, and the "outer banks." We traveled the European side of Istanbul and spent a few days on the Asia side. We really squeezed our three weeks with so many things to do, but it felt perfect. The last few days there, we became philosophical on several issues, the first and foremost being traveling. We started to pontificate about traveling, the benefits of it, and how we, as Americans (and not independently wealthy ones), could continue to travel. It seemed important to us that we take this time out to explore another region because we learned a lot about ourselves, the world, and built a stronger relationship.

We said out loud, "We wish we could travel more."

Fast forward to August and every single weekend this month is booked with traveling. We are at the Jersey shore this weekend. We are going to LA the next weekend for a wedding. We are literally traveling every month till the end of 2008 to a different destination. Most are in the U.S., but there may be some foreign travel in the near future. It is amazing, but also overwhelming on the spirit and finances.

We got what we wished for, but we should have been more specific. Lesson learned: Wishes are heard, now just specify.

Three Beautiful Things: Incremental

2008-08-15T06:43:00.003-05:00

Finding pockets of time (in between client meetings, am/pm commutes, on way to court) to make phone calls to precious friends and family. It makes my day go that much faster.
While in a mad dash to get to the next appointment, to have a woman keep the door open for me was really special. It are those light touches of love (i.e., kindness, civility) that make you not hurl yourself at society.
Watching Chandi's tail shake in joy when I enter through the doorway. A beautiful blessing to be a witness to at 10:30P when I am finally arrive home.

3bt

Milestones

2008-08-13T21:42:00.002-05:00

I have to apologize for my absence. I promise, it has nothing to do with you. Blame it on Julia Cameron and The Artist's Way. Last week, we were not allowed to read (I did read for work and I was rather strict). So, I couldn't read and since I try to proof read my entries nowadays, I couldn't partake in my blogging. Boo. It turns out when you stop returning emails and/or reading media outlets at work, you become a super productive working American woman.

I've had a few milestones in the past few days that I would like to share with you. First, I became a lawyer last week. No, no, not the bar exam or anything related to a damn test. Nope, no siree. I represented my first client in court. It was an amazing experience working with my client, getting her what she needed, and then figuring out her next steps. She amazed me with her maturity and ability to handle life changing decisions made at very stressful times. The judge who listened to our case was a wonderfully understanding judge. Everything worked rather out well for my client, as of right now. Finally, attending law school made sense.

Another big milestone is a blast from the past. Last year, around this time, I was under a lot of stress. I cannot go into specifics but it had a lot to do with a report I was writing. And after the report was public, it became a sensation. It was picked up by the Associated Press and other major domestic and international networks and that put my world in a laundry like spin cycle. It was amazing to see how far the report went (and what countries published it)! I left that job and the report recommendations collected dust...until a few weeks ago. The NY Post found out that the subway agency, MTA, quashed a public campaign to educate the subway riders about sexual harassment. It caused an uproar with community grassroots organizers. After about a week, the MTA finally released their ads for the anti-harassment public education campaign. Yippee!! Of course I don't take credit for it, nor could I. However, I do relish the fact that one idea, coalition building, and a desire to report it, helped change the way we view sexual harassment and assault in our public sphere, particularly your transportation choices in NYC for at least the next three months and hopefully longer. Yeah!

On a less heady note, I pulled off my first surprise party. We had a lovely time gathering all the right people to show the Little One a great time before he left for India. I'm seriously damn proud of him and cannot wait to visit. India is filling up with all these amazing and talented young people from North America. Opposite brain drain effect? Perhaps. What a milestone to see your brother make really amazing choices and be a selfless, humble, and thoughtful individual. I'm honored to be related to my family.

There is my life in a beautiful nutshell. This summer is flying by isn't it. Hope your days are filled with laughter, bright flowers, and lavender scented reed sticks. :)

Three Beautiful Things: Childhood Edition

2008-08-01T21:02:00.002-05:00

I'm tapping into my inner child and saying, "HIIIIIIII!!" to her waving my hand very rapidly.

Yelling "Oh my god!!!!" with my co-worker who had the same childhood television memory as I. It was about a mannequin that came alive at night. Do you remember that? Yeah, most, if not every.single.person, I have met do not remember the show. But, she started the conversation with, "You know, no one remembers this show," and automatically I knew it was the show. After some googling, we FOUND IT. It is the Today's Special. YEAH!
Watching this wonderful YouTube clip and laughing my eyes out.
Coloring (thank you DS-M!) and finding it so fun and at times relaxing.

Oh, wow, it was such a wonderful childhood week. I definitely suggest tapping into your childhood again! It's great fun. :)

Synchronicity

2008-07-30T22:11:00.003-05:00

synchronicity: fortuitous intermeshing of events

Life is a funny thing. Things pop up or pop down during various cycles of life. If we examine them closer, we may see a connection to why these "things" happen. A few weeks ago, I was gchatting with my friend maisnon. We were talking about the different shapes and colors our lives were taking on and trying to figure out what to make of it (or not!). I told her how one of my goals this next half of the year is to complete The Artist's Way (AW) by Julia Cameron. It was also one of Maisnon's goals! So, instead of doing this twelve week intensive program by ourselves, we decided to partner up. A bi-coastal study group if you will. So, once we a week we check-in over the telephone, celebrate our accomplishments, and discuss our disappointments.

I have done AW twice before (briefly documented the second time here, here, and here). Each time, I could never complete the twelve weeks. My first time I got to week six, and last year I continued to week eight. I hope this year, with maisnon, I will be able to finish twelve weeks of exploring, analyzing, and playing. I highly recommend this book for those who have a creative side (cough allofus cough) and want to get in touch with it for a variety of reasons.

Cameron has an entire chapter dedicated to synchronicity, an idea dubbed by C.G. Jung. I learned about this concept when I was in my final year of law school. I remember that day so clearly, probably more clearly than my wedding.

I was crossing the street (walking on L street, crossing 15th Street NW) while chatting with my co-extern/friend, E. E asked me why I was stressed out. "I don't know what I am going to do after graduation," I replied and I went on about how I don't like talking about these things like jobs because of the "evil eye" so "knock on wood I get a job." She looked at me and sympathetically said, "I completely understand. However, if you let the universe know what you want, it will deliver." I laughed and loudly said, "I want a job in the field of domestic violence, universe!" She started laughing. "Alright, Chai, that's not quite what I meant."

And of course, a few months later, I got a job with a well established domestic violence organization. I'm sure E doesn't remember that conversation, but I will never forget it. That advice helped me eventually break my mold of privacy, superstition, and community. I never knew how important it was that we do share our goals, our dreams, so that we are able to connect and network with one another. But more importantly, once you state your dream openly, the universe delivers in many different ways.

On Monday, on my way to work, I began reading this week's chapter on synchronicity. After reading the paragraphs, I thought about building relationships and friendships, as we all know it gets harder as you acquire more wrinkles. As soon as I get into work, I check my office email. The most recent email was from one of my former colleagues who was inviting me to a creative circle. It was sorta strange and amazing that I was thinking about the wonderful circles I was part of or built in NYC and how I loved being around amazing women at least once a month. And, out of no where, I get this invite. "Synchronicity," I said underneath my breath while I read the email for the third time. Amazing, isn't it?

nap time

2008-07-28T22:37:00.002-05:00

I know that more often than not, Americans are sleep deprived. Or maybe we just don't know how to sleep properly? We don't keep to a schedule, we drink too much coffee through out the day, or we exercise in the evening leaving our bodies with more energy than we know what to do with at the wrong time of day.

I hear you folks. I hear that it is hard to catch those moments between REMing and Zen. I hear that it can be excruciatingly difficult to fall asleep or to wake up. I can't say that I'm generally one of those people, but I know that we all love our sleep.

However, that does not excuse someone falling asleep at work. While sitting at her desk. With her head slipping off her hand, to the point her head does "the jerk." Interns. You have to love them because while witnessing them walking around your halls or in your meetings, you see how much you have grown from college or grad school. We were, at some point, someone's intern. I am underscoring the following: As an intern, I was constantly freaked out about coloring outside of the lines. I wanted the organization or company to hire me. I wanted them to recommend me. I wanted them to love me. I did everything by the books, read my writings twice, and didn't laugh too loudly. So, to fall asleep at work constitutes the highest level of embarrassment for an intern in my books.

Other *cough* people told me they have pulled a Constanza at work. You know that famous Seinfeld episode, right? George decides to take a nap underneath his desk. He gets the company maintenance person to put a little shelf for his alarm clock. He has pillows and a blanket. It's quite the place for a nap.

I never knew that people actually went to sleep at work. Are we really that sleep deprived of a nation? Talk about life imitating art.

Three Beautiful Things: The Early Morning Edition

2008-07-18T07:24:00.003-05:00

Negotiating with T so he could go see The Dark Knight* at the 12:01A showing. I was harassed via IM for several hours before I negotiated 30 days of dishes, trash throwing, and bathroom cleaning, along with an appearence to a Happy Hour event at a chocolate bar.
Having a drink with girlfriends I respect and adore. Really, isn't that all we are looking for?
Constant reflection and sharing these reflections on metro rides, within building halls, on the phone, over dinner, in a car...

Three Beautiful Things

* I can't say I loved it, but I didn't hate it either. The Dark Knight (TDK) is a great sequel to Batman Begins, but the quality of acting is different. Christian Bale, who plays Batman, did a horrible job playing Batman this time around. I was sold on him in Begins, but he was not a multi-dimensional actor in TDK. Heath Ledger, as Joker, plays wonderfully. I don't remember Jack Nicholson's version of this character, but Ledger kept it dark and scary. He didn't freak me out as he did others in the theatre (and I hate scary movies and characters). For some reason, I connected with the Joker (ah, that is a statement that will haunt me) because we were able to see a humanistic view of the villlian. Aaron Eckhart, who plays the District Attorney, did a great job with his character(s). I appreciated learning about him and why he went so far to avenge justice. As I told T, "I don't think it was a movie that I needed to watch at 12:01A. It could have waited till tonight." He disagreed vehmenently. My short reaction to TDK.

July 14, 2008: Redefinition

2008-07-14T20:03:00.007-05:00

I can't believe it has already been one month since T and I got back from Turkey. Does it feel longer? Sometimes. Does it feel shorter? Sometimes. Does it surreal? For sure. Our lives are similar and different from when we left Turkey. We have grown together instead of apart. Traveling with another individual (or individuals) forces you to sharpen those team work skills. It forces you to communicate with your traveling buddy and yourself. Traveling also makes you feel grounded in the simple notion that we are all in this "thing" together.

Last week I started a new job at an organization I adore. I love the work they do and the mission they aspire to accomplish. The job thing is something that got me down before leaving for Turkey. I really wanted to check off the "get a job" square on my to do list before gallivanting across the world. I wanted to feel like I earned the trip. I tried really hard not to think about it because I knew it would only muddle the pre-trip preparations with more yelling and nail biting. So, like a good woman, I kept it inside.

It was on one of the many bus rides T and I took that I started to communicate my thoughts of not having a job. I had found out, while on a Greek island, that I did not pass the California Bar for the second time, and I lost it. Well, I lost it as much as one could on a Greek island surrounded by fresh feta, deliciously flavored potato chips, and ouzo (as the picture on the left indicates). I was angry and disappointed with my life. I was angry that I was jobless and couldn't mentally afford being a "housewife" for much longer. I was disappointed that I felt stuck. I cried it out. I drank it out. I slept it out. I loved it out. And, with T's cheerleading and my inner strength, I tried to keep my eyes high...and hoped that my head would soon follow.

A day before I left to Turkey, the organization I work for now posted a job for an attorney position. I thanked my law school classmate for passing it on to me and made a note to write the cover letter and send the application materials over to them. I never wrote the cover letter. It was one week before we were coming back to the States that T reminded me to take proactive steps in addressing my lack of faith. This in turn meant that I spent the next days writing a cover letter, editing my resume, and formatting it with the help of the Little One. After turning it in, I felt accomplished. I felt like I was taking steps in the right direction. Yes, I was in Bodrum (pictured to the right), a beach town where the rich and famous party and boat around. And I spent the days in the Internet cafe.

This morning, on my train ride to work, I read this quote, "Forced change frees us to break out of our comfort zone and redefine ourselves and our lives." It made me think of the many people in my life who have had Life hand them positive and negative forced changes and how they all redefined themselves... for the positive (in my opinion). The forced change of not getting a job I thought I would get before Turkey made me reconsider what I wanted out of life (again). But this time around, I actually put pen to paper. I started making plans to fulfill some of my ideas. I got out of my comfort zone and read my steps out loud. If I had got the job I wanted, I would have been unhappy. With patience, providence, and love, I found a job that challenges me and continues to refine my strengths.

The Crust Pieces

2008-07-10T03:52:00.004-05:00

Random snippets of the passing days:

T and I have the same commute in the morning. This commute started yesterday and so we were super excited to be leaving our home at the same time, rushing off to the station at the same time, and jumping on the same train. We caught the train during a particularly busy time of the morning which meant there were no open two side-by-side seats. After two stops, T asked the passenger next to him if she would move to my seat (right behind her). She looked at me, looked at him, and asked, "Why?" "Because she is my wife and I want to sit next to her," he responded. She then looked back at me and agreed to the exchange. After I got settled in my new seat next to T, the passenger who sat next to me says loudly, "They have an entire lifetime together, who cares about one hour?" I was super embarrassed by T's insistence that we sit next to each other, but instead of getting all puffed up, I saw the positive: he wants to sit next to me. Really, the small things, eh?
DC didn't know she was coming- one of my favoritest people in the world- for a short visit. I hopped on the train and met up with Deb at Teaism in Penn Quarter. As a former Teaism employee, this was my first time in that location. At first glance, it felt like Teaism owned that corner- from the tea shop to restaurant to office. It felt less indie than the one in Dupont Circle. Anyway, after we ordered our bento boxes, we saw a table for two right near the entrance. As I sat down, I caught a sign that read something to the affect of, "This table is prone to pick pocketing. Beware of your valuables at all times. They are sneaky." I appreciate the honesty, but what a risk to sit at that table! Would I be assuming the risk and have no standing to sue Teaism if such a robbery occurred? Why even have a table in that area? Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable sitting at the pick pocket table the entire time? Teaism is a very strange (and non-union supporting) restaurant.
Although I have yet to write the mandatory comparing DC to NYC post, I have to say one thing. You ready for it? It's honestly really annoying and I was probably annoyed with this before I moved to NYC. But now realizing that there are places in the world where this happens makes me more annoyed that it doesn't happen here. Ready? I cannot stand the fact that people walk so DAMN slow around here. It gets on my nerves. I realize that we are in "South" and things are slower down here, but why do you have to walk slow in this devil heat? It is absurd.
FB still makes me want to vomit.
I received an email in my inbox with the subject line: "Mucus Plug." That made me want to vomit too.

Red, White, and Blue?

2008-07-07T08:21:00.002-05:00

It must not have been a coincidence that we ended our Fourth, and our v-we-are-moving-to-a-new-area-and-new-job-acation, watching five of the seven episodes of HBO's "John Adams." We easily forget and are not taught the actual struggles this country went through to become an independent nation. We toiled and fought for years to become a stand alone, only to be dictated by a few men (and perhaps their partners) in designing this new country. This series gave us a deeper glimpse about the founding of the United States. As history repeats herself, the U.S. is like 18th century France and Britain, trying to build other ~~colonies~~ countries with a new sense of democracy, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

On July Fourth, while watching the beautiful spectacle of firecrackers, which I am usually not fond of, I hugged T tightly. To my left, I heard someone cry. That someone was a solider. After seeing and hearing him breakdown, it was hard not to get emotional, to shed tears for those who have fought for our independence, and to many who never see it. I walk freely in this country, in a country that adopted my family, albeit not always with open arms, but gave them citizenship. I take my freedom, my walk and talk, for granted. I never think about the men and women who fight for us...and for the families who feel their loss. In some circles, I would be called a "privileged liberal" and in many ways I am. To state the obvious, I am privileged because I am in a country, as an immigrant, and have the same opportunities the ancestors of the Pilgrims have: obtaining an education, a decent job, and a house. I know that that is a privilege that in many countries I would never be afforded.

I have qualms with American foreign and domestic policies. I voice my opinion against many of them without ever thinking of the consequence. I also know that due to being a citizen I have the ability to afford that lack of thinking. But, as I heard that soldier cry with ever firecracker, I thought about him. Perhaps he just got back from a tour in Iraq or Afghanistan. Perhaps these firecrackers reminded him of bombs. Perhaps his infantry was hit by bombs. Perhaps he lost close friends to these bombs. Perhaps he was mourning the loss of his innocence. Perhaps he saw Iraqis die from our bombs. I couldn't stop thinking about him as we left the base. I didn't have the courage to tell him in person that I appreciate what he does for our country. I am in awe of military personnel because I do believe that public service is not only a necessity for a country to exist but one of the highest honors an individual can give to their country.

The soldier's sobs continue to ring in my ears and probably won't ever stop. After we watched our fifth episode of John Adams, I don't help but think what John Adams would have thought to know that an immigrant, now a naturalized citizen, stood on one of the oldest army bases, watching firecrackers celebrating our nation's independence, next to a solider nearly two hundred years after the declaring independence from Britain. I'm sure he would be in awe of our country just like I am.

Three Beautiful Things

2008-06-27T11:30:00.002-05:00

I've missed this series of reflection, navel gazing, and eventual appreciation for all the small things that happen in life. From a staring at a stranger who is dancing on the corner of the street as she waits for the sign to glare "WALK" to hearing my high school friend's voice on the other line, it's these things that make life worth living.

Over the past month or so (since I took my hiatus from blogging on this blog), I've had to remind myself of these small things and take pleasure in how the universe finds us in times when we can't really see our own image. When the reflection becomes hazy, it is only then we realize the importance of our family members, friends, and strangers who have the ability to gracefully show us our true purpose.

Enough of that mumbo jumbo- off to the list!

Listening to Lil'ist One tell me how the third goal by Germany was amazing. And then listening to him say, "Yeah, sports can do that," when I went off on my analogy about life and soccer and how much I have learned from watching the Euro Cup. The guy is mature beyond his age.
Waking up this morning, with mascara crust right underneath my eyes, and seeing T asleep right next to me...on the living room floor. The entire day I was sick and he took care of me while building the IKEA bookcase. While I was making my pillow pile and gathering the blankets in the living room, I didn't think I would pass out while watching HBO's tribute to George Carlin. When I asked him this morning why he didn't go to sleep on our bed, he responded nonchalantly, "You were sleeping here, and I wanted to sleep right next to you."
Putting the last IKEA furniture together without any fighting or crying. Yippee! Baby steps, baby steps.

How IKEA Almost Broke Our Marriage

2008-06-26T07:08:00.003-05:00

Many of you have wandered through IKEA, picturing yourself in the amazingly designed living room hosting a great soiree. You get really caught up in your own daydream that you see yourself writing down with such hot passion the aisle and bin numbers to obtain that living room. You feel yourself going to the self-serve section, finding the items, and putting it in your cart. You find your wallet nearly $800 lighter and enjoying the Tetris-like skills you obtained to put all of the furniture in the back of your four-door Civic.

When you get home, you lug the boxes upstairs (now with the weight of the box noted on the label) and you take a seat on floor, tired and exhausted. Should you open the box right now or later? And that simple question is translated into should you start building your new life now or later?

Last year, in early 2007, T and I moved into our first marital abode in Manhattan. Of course we were excited to be in the same city, starting our new lives together, but to say it was a challenge would be an understatement. The challenges not only came from being married, which is harder than it sounds, but from the lack of space we once were privy to in our own apartments. Now, in a 400 square foot apartment, we had to place two individuals' junk, along with a beautiful, yet space consuming, dog.

To put it mildly, we were in deep shit.

We found ourselves in a line to IKEA at Penn Station on a gorgeous January afternoon. New York was facing some warm front which was unusual for the region. We were shuttled to the New Jersey IKEA with 60 or so individuals trying to find their new lives in a box. We shopped and found two bookcases, a dresser, bar chairs, and a living area rug. I will never forget watching T, with a cigarette in his mouth, pushing the cart to an IKEA delivery man. His face, saturated with sweat, showing triumph and shock. We were ecstatic to get our stuff back to our apartment to start building our apartment together.

We decided not to unpack that night. We waited until Sunday. That morning, we turned on the television so T could watch the "most important football game of the year" on television. I have since learned that every single game is the most important game of the year. Project number one was bookcase. We laid out the bookcase pieces: two long boards, five shorter boards, a backing, and a small board. That was the easy part. The harder part was counting the equipment. Although I am a woman, it didn't mean I had no clue how to build something. I relished building things with my dad and mom. In college, I built all my furniture. It was something I knew how to do and it had precise steps:

Remove items from box.
Count the items in the box and make sure it corresponds to the instruction manual.
Read through the directions once to understand how everything will come together.
Make sure you have the tools and necessary safety equipment around you.
Follow each step in the instruction manual.
Do it slowly and do it properly.

I believed the above six steps were universal. That is, until I started building the bookcase with T. He didn't believe in the idea of counting the hardware. He just wanted to start. I couldn't imagine building something without knowing if you had enough nails, screws, and the IKEA wrench. And there we were, sitting on our new IKEA rug with bookcase pieces strewn around us, yelling at each other about the importance (or lack thereof) of counting the hardware. This turned into a fight about how I am really disciplined and how T is nothing but an animal with no rules. That turned into "I can't believe we got married. We are soooooo different from each other." And eventually that turned into tears (from me) and exhausted sentences from T.

A half an hour later, we were back at building the bookcase. I had convinced T through tears and yelling that counting the hardware made sense. He eventually conceded. After a few more fights and more tears, we built our first bookcase. We were done with each other after that one bookcase and we had a second one to build. Fortunately for us, we had no way to hide from each other. If you didn't catch the sarcasm in the last line, you don't understand what a 400 square foot apartment can do to a person's psyche.

After some reflection, I realized that T and I were not fighting about the actual hardware counting or rule building. We were fighting about whose style was going to dictate our relationship. Would it be T's, where we do things last minute, unplanned, and have more flexibility to life? Or would it be mine where things are planned, rule based, and tiptoeing near the edge is horrible to one's health? IKEA made us see that we had different ways of getting to point B. It also made us see how we could make each other's lives difficult or easy if we wanted.

Here we are again in marital home two, with IKEA boxes around us. Yesterday, before we started building our bookcases, desks, and other filler furniture, we had a five minute talk about some ground rules. Some of those rules were mine ("count the hardware and material before beginning") and some where his ("don't criticize or freak out if we put a wrong screw in the wrong hole"). We were successful in building not one, but four IKEA projects in six hours. And there were no tears shed, no yelling, and no pain.

Who knew that IKEA can also be a marital counselor?

Good Bye Thoughtful Laughter

2008-06-23T07:09:00.002-05:00

Ever since I can remember knowing T, he has had a love affair with comedians. He really enjoys watching stand-up comedy, especially from those individuals who make political and social commentary beyond the swearing and cussing. One such individual that T's heart made room for was George Carlin. He always found his commentary and jokes true to heart, even it if it was a bit too liberal for T's taste. Due to T, I would somehow find myself in front of a computer, watching YouTube clips of Carlin's stand-up. I was sold after the first 5 minutes of his act (I forget which show T forced me to watch).

Last week, the Kennedy Center announced this year's Mark Twain recipient amid some controversy. Lo and behold, it was George Carlin. So, I got excited and told T who got really excited since we live in DC and we can actually go see Carlin. I looked up tickets and found out that they don't go on sale until August. Then I realized that I could buy the tickets for T's birthday, since the show is in November. Oh, T would love it!

A few minutes ago I was shocked to read this news and it broke my heart. Carlin was a biting comedian, who found ways to break down the craziness of politics, law, and celebrity crap where my stomach would hurt from all the laughing. He was never afraid to say what he wanted to say and for that I admire him even if I did disagree with him on some of his stances.

Rest in Peace George Carlin. We will still go to the Kennedy Center show to honor you.

Summer Spending Binge

2008-06-23T06:47:00.002-05:00

Summer is a time where people are generally more carefree, happier, and lighter. I know, stating those three words may be redundant, but a necessity for my case. Have you noticed that several big boxed stores are having "summer sales" or "clearance busters" or their big "semi-annual sales"? It really cannot be a coincidence. It has to be planned. Maybe it has to do with clearing out the inventory for next season? I don't know the reason behind it, but I do know that it really entices me to shop....particularly for books.

As many of you know, I have been holding true to form to my pledge I made last year. It was really easy to be a thrift store individual since I lived by three thrift stores in a one block radius. And for being in NYC, the pledge helped me watch my own consumerism, along with being in a small studio apartment.

Now, in DC, in an apartment twice the size of NYC's studio, I feel the urge to fill it up. My closet, thankfully, is already packed (who knew I had that many clothes?), but that leaves room for the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, the bedroom, and office. My goodness! I am trying to curtail myself, as I have yet to buy any furniture, appliances, or kitschy items. However, I did buy books.

I know! I know! These are my first book purchases from a big boxed store in over a year and a half. And I had to buy them. Fine, I may not have needed to buy 28 books, since we are struggling to find room for the 100+ books we already have, but still. I couldn't help myself. The titles, the price, and the convenience of online shopping took my rational mind as hostage. So, I clicked away and found myself entering in my billing address and hitting "submit" before I had a chance to step back and truly ask myself, "Do I need these books?" I'm sure, in the haze I was in, I would have convinced myself to loudly say, "Hell, yes."

I had to share the delight with you: Barnes and Noble is having a sale. Enjoy!

Other culprits whose emails have enticed me to look:

Ikea
Macy's
Victoria's Secret
Crate & Barrel

Being Back

2008-06-20T15:58:00.002-05:00

It is such a strange feeling to be back in your home country, home state, and finally my adopted state. I'm writing this as I watch Turkey v. Croatia quarter finals in the Euro Cup. As we see the fans yelling, "Turkiye!!," we keep saying how amazing it was to watch game one of the Cup in Europe. We want to be back in Turkey, drinking Efes, eating some Turkish dish, and yelling at the flat screen tvs that litter the alleys as neighbors gather downstairs to watch their team score a goal.

But, being present, I am watching the game here in the nation's capital. I am biting my nails as the game hits penalty kick. I'm also surrounded by many empty and filled boxes. I am taking it slowly because I want things to be different this time around. I want the energy, the ...

Oh no! Croatia just scored. DAMN. They have a minute left in overtime. Man, OMG!!!! Turkey just SCORRRRRRRRRRRED!!! GOALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!

I just yelled my head off. This football thing is amazing. I think I am hooked. It is good to be back.

on the flip side

2008-06-13T08:08:00.000-05:00

we arrived at JFK on june 10, 5:05P.
we arrived in manhattan on june 10, 6:05P.
we sat in dunkin donuts, ordered one coffee and one ice tea on june 10, 6:25P.
we played rummy in dunkin donuts on june 10, 7P.
we got into friend's apartment on june 10, 8:03P.
we went to Walgreens on june 10, 8:38P.
we ordered chinese food on june 10, 9:01P.
we took showers on june 10, 9:15P.
we watched the LA Lakers (boo) beat the Celtics, june 10, 11ishP.
we retired on june 11, 12:45A.
we ate bagels on june 11, 7:15A.
we put luggage in rental car on june 11, 9:15A.
we stopped off at cousin's house on june 11, 10:25A.
we stopped off at taco bell on june 11, 12:50P.
we signed our lease to our new place on june 11, 4:30P.
we remarked on how much room we have in the new place on june 11, 5:31P.
we moved in our stuff and started laundry on june 11, 6P.
we (meaning T because chai had severe stomach issues due to aforementioned restaurant chain establishment) did five loads of laundry, bought some groceries, and made dinner on june 11, 9P.
we went to caribou coffee for free wifi on june 12, 7:32A.
we started our errands to target, trader joe's and bank of america on june 12, 9:05A.
we finished our errands and ate lunch on june 12, 1:50P.
we took showers, packed, and finished the last load of laundry on june 12, 3P.
we followed the GPS to the nearest Hertz rental establishment on june 12, 4:14P.
we made it through the airport security check on june 12, 5:21P.
we arrived in LAX on june 12, 8:54.
we heard the pilot's annoucement that the LA Lakers lost Game 4 on june 12, 8:57P.
we shared an entire evening drinking, eating, laughing, and storytelling about turkey on june 12, 10:35P.

who knew?

2008-05-22T05:24:00.002-05:00

i never, for the life of me, knew that turkey was such a historic place. so many things have happened on this land. i am grateful for the ability to be able to travel here and i urge those who still read this blog to move this country on top of their queue. it is well worth it. who knew?

the food is really good. the people are nice. and even better, the people are really good looking. who knew?

and, the biggest surprise, as of yet, is what a great travel buddy T is. it is a delight to travel with him because he remains the same but with a few differences (i.e., he wakes up on time, is fairly organized, and loves to take pictures). who knew?

although i miss my internet and my internet buddies, i am enjoying meeting random people at the hostels, the hotels, the restaurants, and cafes. i think the development of this blog has helped with meeting random folks in other countries. who knew?

greetings from turkey

2008-05-18T10:39:00.002-05:00

allo! i made it safely to turkey. this place is freakin' amazing and beautiful. i cannot believe that a little over 24 hours ago i was in NYC. seriously, the aeroplane is an amazing invention. i can\t type for long, but i wanted to just check in and say allo!

i am keeping track of our journeys over at Two Veggies in a Turkey. if you would like, check it out and comment, SVP. :) being out here is kicking in my french for some reason, btw.

anyway, the hub is awaiting my arrival up on the terrace that oversees the marmara sea. amazing, folks.

ciao for now!

Product Endorsement: Magic Erasers

2008-05-13T16:42:00.002-05:00

You know me. I am earthy. I am organic. I am all things free of harm and chemicals. However, when it comes to the Magic Eraser, I had to weigh my morals against getting my security deposit back. The other green one this time. So, I bought Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser.

If you are ever in a rut and want to clean away those marks on your wall, use this.

If you are leaving your apartment and want your deposit back, use this.

If your friends/family are coming into town and want to impress them with you sparkling walls, use this.

If you are just damn bored and want to pretend to be a magician, use this.

This stuff is amazing. Here is a simple example: You have a wall with a few marks. Poof! Within a few seconds, the marks are gone after rubbing this sponge on top of the marks.

I know that there are tons of disgusting chemicals in this bad boy, but sometimes my lungs got to feel heavy for the place to look clean.

I do heart NYC

2008-05-12T08:27:00.002-05:00

On Friday evening, FMT threw T and I a lovely good bye party. It was intimate, it was cozy, and it was tinged with a mix of happiness and sadness. I am sincerely going to miss this city and the bounty of beautiful ~~friends~~ family we have collected. I can't believe we are leaving NYC. It felt like home the moment I stepped foot in our studio. I can still feel what I wrote back on January 12, 2007:

our messy house. so many suitcases need to be sorted through from india. we have laundry from the trip. we have furniture to create. we have books to put away. we have pictures to upload. we have grocery shopping to do. and bills to pay. and given all these tasks, all this disorganization, which makes my head dizzy, this small studio feels like home. watching T get dressed for work, walking chandi around our block and saying,"good morning" to passing dog walkers, and turning on NPR while typing this blogpost is home. our home. [link]

No matter how much I complained about the space and the various arguments that ensued, this studio holds so much love and "first times," that it is hard not to shed a few tears. "One chapter is coming to a close and another is opening," is what I keep telling myself. The cliche brings me comfort making me want to stay here forever: to stay in this place, to never grow up, to never "settle down," to never begin the talks of "family," to just constantly be busy with five million other things than us and me. The lessons I learned in the four corners of this place, of this island, will always be with me. I'm honored to have sweat, cried, laughed, and found sanctuary on this land mass. It ate, chewed loudly, and spit me out as a stronger person who is more open to change because of here and will bring that to our next journey.

In four days we venture to another country. As we look through the guidebooks and the maps, the confidence we have in our travels comes from our time navigating this crazy city. Like Cat Powers beautifully covers, we keep saying to each other, "If we can do it here, we can do it anywhere."

In the next hours, I will be canceling our cable, gas, electricity. I will be re-routing the mail to another address. I will be calling our new management company to confirm everything. And, with a deli sandwich, I'll be reading all the posts from 2007 and collating all the memories.

DOTN: Viewing the World Through Another's Eyes

2008-05-12T07:55:00.003-05:00

Take an hour off and watch an online film (and I'm not talking about one of those films from that site). If you didn't watch on Saturday, now you can take part of Pangea Day for an hour online. Check it out and share with your friends and family! My morning started off right by watching the hour long clip. It is truly amazing how similar we all are.
Mentor a young person. It is only in my later twenties I have become aware of the power and strength derived by having a mentor(s) and mentoring people. The connections, stories, and support you share with your mentor/mentee can only enhance your relationships with others and yourself. Find your local Big Brothers/Big Sisters or other local programs that encourage mentoring.
Support Kiva. You select an entrepreneur in a developing country that you would like to lend money to and watch their business grow. You can lend up to $25, which is less than eating out in NYC. And, you really get to see how your money and support and help another's dream. Remember what Randy Pausch said in his last lecture? He said something to the degree that supporting another's dream is what all our dreams are about. Kiva creates that bridge to allow all of us to dream.

Do One Thing Nice is a weekly series created to inspire us to be more connected to each other and ourselves through small actions. The series is inspired by Do One Nice Thing.

Three Beautiful Things: Moving Edition

2008-05-09T07:57:00.002-05:00

Finding a laminated map of Manhattan behind the bookcases. Aww, the good ole days of asking, "Where is that?"
Hearing the head mover say, "Oh, this is it? You don't have that much stuff." Yeah, we don't, but you didn't look behind the closet doors. Muhahaha!
T force feeding me 483 calories of Starbucks Chai Latte. My husband's drink equals 5 calories. Bastardo!

3Bt

2008-05-08T10:08:00.002-05:00

Alright. I am back from, what feels like, the dead. Things have been so hectic on this side of the tracks, I can't even begin to recap the last few days beyond quick hits in good ole bullet point fashion:

Went to beautiful San Diego, California to hang out with SKP for her baby shower. I can't believe she is pregnant! She looked beautiful and my college girlfriends and I had a blast. We caught up on so much gusspuss, and we did some facebook stalking (a needed ritual for our generation!). SKP got some terrible news regarding a family member who is in the hospital. Please keep him in your prayers for a full recovery.
Saw my husband's family and spent alot of time with them, which I had never done before. It was a lot of fun!
Confirmed that we are moving out of the fashion capital to the global capital (as of now), Washington, DC. I am really excited, but really sad.
If you know ANYONE looking for a place to rent, please ask them to email me. Here is the Craigslist Posting: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/abo/672678281.html
The movers are coming tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow!
We aren't leaving NYC till next Friday because we are going to TURKEY!

So needless to say, I have a lot of things on my plate.

We need to find someone to take over our lease.
We need to find a dog sitter for a week.
I need to find a job in DC.
We need to pack for Turkey and get that confirmed!
We need to get a place in DC confirmed.

Um, massage and spa time? :)

Macbeth

2008-04-30T11:02:00.002-05:00

I stood at the corner of 42nd and Broadway for ten minutes. I watched the Tourista gangs swallowing concrete in two minutes. They stood in front of the the building, in what seemed for hours, to get the perfect picture under the scrolling signs and advertisements galore. I kept checking my cell phone hoping T would save me from these people. I wasn't like "them." They were so different, so naive at what New York is about. I yelled, "This ISN'T America! This ISN'T New York. This four block radius is disgusting and shit!" It grew silent. It was all in my head.

I turned my attention to the scrolling "news." Obama distances himself from the pastor. Bush blames the Dems for the economic down turn. Something about Iraq is jumbled in there. Sad how quickly the mainstream media rarely remarks on Iraq or Afghanistan.

My nose started cringing. Argh, smoke. I turned to my left and saw an Asian man, standing there staring at the same scrolling news, with a cigarette in his mouth. Some smokers have such a talent with balancing a cigarette in their mouth with no hands. I wonder if it takes them time to learn that skill. Do they shout,"Yes!", like a new bicyclist riding a bike with no hands for the first time?

I fanned my face. It was no use. He started to set up his artistic corner right next to me. The wind picked up, he struggled putting up his stand. The cigarette clung to his lips. What seemed like eternity, in thirty seconds, he left, with his cigarette and art supplies.

I turned back to the screen. It was now on sports. Late last week, T, after some convincing, called TimeWarner and brought back the cable box for the NBA finals. I knew all the sports news, that I was distracted by a man's voice.

"Excuse me, where is the Marriott?" he asked the bike cabbie.

"What?"

"The Marriott?" he asked in a thick European accent. His accent intrigued me, but what caught my attention to this run of the mill conversation was how he was holding the stop sign. He held on to it for dear life. A minute later it made sense. He was disabled. He could have crossed the street if was able-bodied, but with a disability, he had to wait for the next round of the white man symbolizing, "It is safe to walk." I felt pity. Here he was, disabled, carrying a BN bag, visiting this big city all alone. Alone! A constant fear for the urban dweller.

I looked down at my legs and felt grateful. Of course, I was disgusted that I had to even go through that exercise to understand how my life is nothing but blessed.

I tried not to stare. I partly love New York because staring is part of the culture. When the white man appeared, he did cross with a bit of a struggle. He couldn't walk in a straight line and I was afraid that one of the Touristas or a business man would hit him. He crossed the street safely, in honor of the white man, and caught up with a group. I guess he wasn't alone.

My cell rang. T was waiting on the corner of 45th and Broadway. I told him to stay there and I would find him. "I'm on the South end."

I crossed the street with the Touristas, taking the outside. I walked past the Police Station and saw a beautiful mural, hidden underneath the construction. I walked past the big stores and the Target advertisement, questioning why they even advertise in Times Square when there isn't a Target in Manhattan! I saw him waiting near a pay phone, an invention that will quickly fade in our memory only to be brought up in stories to our grandchildren.

After Macbeth, we walked on Broadway to the N/R/W subway stop. T kept complaining about "those" people and how "they" don't belong here, knowing he was referring to the Touristas. I smirked.

DOTN: Our Elders

2008-04-28T19:08:00.002-05:00

Dear DOTN Readers:

When I was growing up, I had this irrational fear of older people. Older people then meant people in their sixties. Or more importantly, people who had gray hair, looked fragile, and spoke loudly. I didn't know what it meant to connect to "these" people. In high school, we were encouraged to volunteer. A lot of my friends volunteered at Senior Centers. I couldn't even stand the smell of these Centers, so I found ways to volunteer at summer camps and be around kids. It took me sometime, but I am slowly starting to overcome this fear. We often overlook older people, especially those in nursing homes, and never reach out to them.

For this week's DOTN, our focus is on senior citizens.

If your career is in finances, why not donate your time and energy to a senior citizen women and offer financial planning? Most people need financial planning at ANY stage in their life, but particularly when older and deciding what to do with the assets. (modify this to fit your skills- like teaching yoga to giving an art lesson to playing a game of poker).
Visit your local nursing home! My mom started doing this a few years back and she loved meeting and befriending Genevive. Their kinship made me understand the unique nature of being around older individuals.
Join your local Meals on Wheels (or Heals for those in NYC). It is a great way to provide a needed service (food) to seniors and other individuals who don't have the ability to leave their house.

I'm not sure if any of this helps, but it helps me to write down some ways we can get involved in our communities, with ourselves, and with our environment.

Hope the sun is shining where you are!

Best,
Chai

Three Beautiful Things: Strength

2008-04-25T20:50:00.002-05:00

Washing my hands after cleaning one section of the backyard, and seeing a blister on my hand. That blister made me feel like I actually did something with my life.
Smelling lavender on my yoga instructor's hands when he adjusted my position. I love lavender! Each pose made me feel that much stronger, but the instructor's words of wisdom gave me inner strength to face some of the obstacles in my life right now.
Watching Ellen dance to Kanye West's "Stronger" gave me the giggles and made me dance.

3bt

DOTN: For Yourself & Delayed 3BT

2008-04-21T09:50:00.002-05:00

It is important to do nice things to yourself and we often forget that little tidbit. Here are some things we can do for ourselves that helps others:

Start a gratitude journal. I did it a few months back and it was SO helpful, grounding, and nurturing. (Here are a few more reasons why starting a gratitude journal helps.)
Meditation, yoga, or sitting in a sauna helps your relax, which makes you a nicer a person.
Encourage a friend to become your work out buddy. Having another person to work out with not only makes the time fly by, but you will become more accountable to something we consider a "chore." And, as we all know, working out makes a happier you. :)

And *I* missed my weekly gratitude that I do on this blog via Three Beautiful Things. So here are my three beautiful things:

Enjoying old school songs and new ones from Songza.
Chatting with friends and catching up on blogs while on a bus to DC. I heart free WiFi on a BUS.
Sharing the intersection with SK.

3BT

Some Pets

2008-04-17T11:02:00.002-05:00

Dear Friends,

I haven't written in a few days and I apologize. I was on a kick of writing every weekday, right? Man, I blame the sun. It is finally starting to look like spring around here in NYC.

I have something on my mind that I want to write about. I have a few pet peeves that I need you to know. Here they are in no particular order:

Not responding to emails, including messages one receives on Facebook.
Not washing your hand after using the restroom.
Not wiping down the gym equipment with gym provided cleaning tools.
Lying about something when it would easier to tell the truth. And then not apologizing for the lie and laughing it off.
Laughing at inappropriate times.
Wide ruled paper.

Okay, that's it for now. Rather, that is all I want to share.

Enjoy the days,
Chai

P.S. I stopped the Master Cleanse after having a heart to heart with a younger person and an older person via IM. It helped. Not that I needed much arm twisting. I will be doing another detox suggested by maisnon.

This letter is part of the NaBloPoMo series "Letters" for the month of April.

Counting Serta Lambs

2008-04-14T23:16:00.001-05:00

Dear Mr. Sandman,

Thank you for finally making me tired at a normal human time.

Now, bring me nice dreams.

Your sleepy head patient,

Chai

This letter is part of the NaBloPoMo series "Letters" for the month of April.

DOTN: Spring Cleaning

2008-04-14T22:54:00.002-05:00

During the weekends of Spring, many people have the strong urge to clean their closets. The cleaning of closets then turns into cleaning the medicine cabinet, the various boxes and containers under the beds/in the corners of our closets, and other crazy places where we store, dare I say, our crap. We find old shirts, pants, and suits that no longer appealing and put them in a trash bag. We find stacks of feminine products that we don't use and we think about throwing them out. We find socks and jerseys that no longer fit us and we think about donating them.*

This week's edition is dedicated to the Spring Cleaners in all of us.

1. Donate personal hygiene products (i.e, toothpaste, face wash, acne cream, feminine products, unused combs, toilet paper) to a local women's shelter. They are ALWAYS looking for "emergency products" for women who usually flee without any toiletries in hand.

2. Donate suits to organizations like Dress for Success or local agencies that work with individuals in obtaining jobs and professional skills.

3. Donate shoes to Soles4Souls, an organization whose mission is to change the world, "one pair at a time."

It is also a good time to think about donating blood. Enjoy your spring cleaning!

*It goes without saying that people should donate clothes to the local Goodwill/Salvation Army. If you need money (rather than a tax break), donate your clothes to the local consignment store.

3BT: Coming Alive

2008-04-11T16:30:00.002-05:00

Dear Loyal Readers of the 3BT editions:

My attempt last week left me high and dry. This week was filled with many straight lines across scribbled words in my planner pad. I had great conversations with friends, strangers, and significant others. And, I made plans. I really do enjoy my share of planning.

Sitting in a Barnes & Noble Cafe and writing down thoughts about the future, in bullet point fashion.
Seeing the beautiful array of colours and designs for ties in the Men's Department of Macy's.
Collecting sunshine rays while walking around the blocks with Chandi and having the energy to stop at every person who wants to talk/pet/discuss Chandi.

I look forward to next week. I hope to share what I did this upcoming weekend. I won't have pictures that are ready since I lost (tsk tsk) my digital camera's power cord. I must purchase a replacement on e-bay soon. I will be partaking in 12 in 12, planning for some big thangs, doing some shopping, and continuing my Master Cleanse (update in another post).

Till then, stop and see the beauty of life around you.

Chai
This letter is part of the NaBloPoMo series "Letters" for the month of April.

The Courage and Conviction

2008-04-10T12:57:00.002-05:00

A Letter to Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern, from 18-Year-Old Tucker
Article Date: 03/13/2008
By Tucker

The following letter was sent our way via a field director for Equality Florida. Eighteen year old Tucker attempted to deliver this letter to Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern after her hateful words comparing gays to terrorists, but was prevented from doing so by a highway patrol officer. As a result, Tucker's family members began circulating the letter in its entirety. Please be moved, as we were, by the powerful words of this remarkable young man.

Rep Kern:
On April 19, 1995 in Oklahoma City, a terrorist detonated a bomb that killed my mother and 167 others. Nineteen children died that day. Had I not had the chicken pox that day, the body count would've likely have included one more. Over 800 other Oklahomans were injured that
day and many of those still suffer through their permanent wounds.

That terrorist was neither a homosexual nor was he involved in Islam. He was an extremist Christian forcing his views through a body count. He held his beliefs and made those who didn't live up to them pay with their lives.

As you were not a resident of Oklahoma on that day, it could be explained why you so carelessly chose words saying that the homosexual agenda is worse than terrorism. I can most certainly tell you through my own experience that is not true. I am sure there are many people in your voting district that laid a loved one to death after the terrorist attack on Oklahoma City. I kind of doubt you'll find one of them that will agree with you.

I was five years old when my mother died. I remember what a beautiful, wise and remarkable woman she was. I miss her. Your harsh words and misguided beliefs brought me to tears, because you told me that my mother's killer was a better person than a group of people who are seeking safety and tolerance for themselves.

As someone left motherless and victimized by terrorists, I say to you very clearly you are absolutely wrong. You represent a district in Oklahoma City and you very coldly express a lack of love, sympathy or understanding for what they've been through. Can I ask if you might have chosen wiser words were you a real Oklahoman that was here to share the suffering with Oklahoma City? Might your heart be a bit less cold had you been around to see the small bodies of children being pulled out of rubble and carried away by weeping firemen?

I've spent 12 years in Oklahoma public schools and never once have I had anyone try to force a gay agenda on me. I have seen, however, many gay students beat up and there's never a day in school that has gone by when I haven't heard the word f****t slung at someone. I've been called gay slurs many times and they hurt and I am not even gay so I can just imagine how a real gay person feels. You were a school teacher and you have seen those things too. How could you care so little about the suffering of some of your students?

Let me tell you the result of your words in my school. Every openly gay and suspected gay in the school were having to walk together Monday for protection. They looked scared. They've already experienced enough hate and now your words gave other students even more motivation to sneer at them and call them names. After all, you are a teacher and a lawmaker, many young people have taken your words to heart. That happens when you assume a role of responsibility in your community. I seriously think before this week ends that some kids here will be going home bruised and bloody because of what you said.

I wish you could've met my mom. Maybe she could've guided you in how a real Christian should be acting and speaking.

I have not had a mother for nearly 13 years now and wonder if there were fewer people like you around, people with more love and tolerance in their hearts instead of strife, if my mom would be here to watch me graduate from high school this spring. Now she won't be there. So I'll
be packing my things and leaving Oklahoma to go to college elsewhere and one day be a writer and I have no intentions to ever return here.

I have no doubt that people like you will incite crazy people to build more bombs and kill more people again. I don't want to be here for that. I just can't go through that again.

You may just see me as a kid, but let me try to teach you something. The old saying is sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. Well, your words hurt me. Your words disrespected the memory of my mom. Your words can cause others to pick up sticks and stones and hurt others.

Sincerely,
Tucker

This letter is part of the NaBloPoMo series "Letters" for the month of April.

Listen to Kern's statement here
Watch Ellen DeGeneres' response here

Ooh, This Made Me Shiver

2008-04-10T12:45:00.002-05:00

I often get questioned on how I am so "real." I never quite understood what that means, but I reply, "How else can you live?" It's never made sense to me to fake things, like friendships, love, orgasms, or emotions. I can understand that it may be simpler to do such things, it allows us to avoid the unevitable for sometime. But, at the end, it makes most of us unhappy. There are truly only a handful of people who can really "fake it till you make it" without cracking.

I tried. I cracked big time.

It's not that being authentic or real means you can't dance in casual conversations with people. That's really a skill one must cultivate. You never know if that casual conversation will turn into a lifelong friendship or love. Plus, we all need to have a healthy dose of character acting to make getting back into our own skin all that much more fun.

So, when I read the following piece by Mark Nepo, it gave me the shivers. I hope it answers the question of why we all must be real.

"Mana" is a term originally used in a Polynesian and Melanesian cultures to describe an extraordinary power or force residing in a person or an object, a sort of spiritual electricity that charges anyone who touches it. Carl Jung later defined the term as "the unconscious influence of on being on another." What Jung speaks to is the fact that the energy of being real has more power than outright persuasion, debate, or force of will. He suggests that being who we are always release an extraordinary power that, without intent or design, affects the people who come in contact with such realness.

The beautiful and simple truth of this can be seen in looking at the sun. The sun, without intent or will or plan or sense of principle, just shines, thoroughly and constantly. By being itself, the sun warms with its light, never withholding or warming only certain things of the Earth. Rather, the sun emanates in all directions all the time, and things grow. In the same way, when we are authentic, expressing our warmth and light in all directions, we cause things around us to grow. When our souls like little suns express the light of who we are, we emanate what Jesus called love and what Buddha called compassion, and the roots of community lengthen.

In this way, without any intent to shape others, we simply have to be authentic, and a sense of mana, of spiritual light and warmth will emanate from our very souls, causing others to grow -- not towards us, but towards the light that moves through us. In this way, by being who we are, we not only experience life in all its vitality, but quite innocently and without design, we help others be more thoroughly themselves. In being real, in staying devoted to this energy of realness, we help each other grow toward the one vital light.

(Emphasis added)

A Letter That I Should Really Write

2008-04-08T20:18:00.002-05:00

Dear Amma,

How are you? Hope you are doing well. I know that writing snail mail is no longer a cool thing to do, but I still really enjoy it. I think you used to write letters back and forth to mamama (grandma) when you got married. Back then, calling India would cost an arm and a leg, so, you waited for special occasions to spend money on a phone card to hear your mother's voice. Here I am, a daughter only a few thousand miles away, with free Verizon to Verizon minutes and I don't call you nearly enough. One day, I will regret the time pass. I know I will.

I'm writing to let you know that I did something today. Something I think you would be proud of! I made my own Indian food! I know what you are thinking, "Why can't my daughter cook Indian food every day?" I just...can't. I can't because I don't feel like I am that great at my cooking techniques. I can't because I am afraid I can't cook as good as you. I can't because I am a perfectionist, something I smilingly and angrily got from you. So, when I do cook any meal, I get really happy. But, Indian food is a huge celebration.

Surprisingly, we aren't celebrating. We meaning T and I. Strange how we now means him and I, huh? I can't imagine how I will feel when my daughter or son says "we" and that word, which for some many years included me, doesn't anymore. But, I want you to know something. Every time I cook, I think of you. I think of all the sacrifices you made for me, for my siblings, for the family. I think of all the empty and semi-empty (and even full) bellies you fed with a beautiful smile on your face. I think how you maintained your twig figure in light of the fact that you cook so damn well. I think how you did everything and kept it sane in the kitchen. I think about the scars on your hands from dull knives, hot pots and pans, and popping hoon thaal (hot oil). Every time I cook, I am amazed at you.

Thank you for making cooking my ritual and not yours. Thank you for letting me just learn it on my own, with your ever presence guiding me. And thank you for making me eat Indian food every day, because it makes me feel that much more closer to you when I make it.

Your loving, sometimes not always perfect, daughter,
Chai

This letter is part of the NaBloPoMo series "Letters" for the month of April.

Writing in Different Languages

2008-04-07T15:12:00.004-05:00

Dear Blogger/Google:
As I finished my last post and clicked on "publish post," in the next window, I saw something that looked like a Hindi character. Then I saw the words "transliteration." Wow, this is pretty cool. I can write in Hindi on my own blog? And I can write in Kannada? Malayalam? And other South Indian languages? Way cool! Now if only I can read what I am writing. :)

As your humble Internet servant,

Chai

नो, इफ ओनली इ कैन गेट थिस टू वर्क।

P.S. I just realized that again, the Google monster, only allows transliteration to work on PCs. I hate Google. In the sign off, scratch humble and add "filled with rage."

These letters are part of the NaBloPoMo series "Letters" for the month of April.

DOTN #2: It's a Doggy Dog World

2008-04-07T14:23:00.002-05:00

Do One Thing Nice

I started this last week. Here is the second edition for our Mondays.

Today, I dedicate the DOTN project to Chandi, the mascot of this blog..and of my life! It is well documented in pictures, stories, and the number of times she is asked about, how much love Chandi doles out and gives to people. People from all over feel connected to her. And would you believe that even the grouchiest New Yorkers (there is no such thing! :) ) fall to her? She is an exceptional dog.

And there are plenty more Chandis out there.

For non-dog lovers (oooh, lord, how could one be?), I connect with you through the act of ahimsa, or non-violence. Many shelters kill dogs, cats, and other animals because they don't have room in their shelter. Now, I know that many of you automatically think about kids, starving people, and other ill wills in our society. However, one of the main reasons animals find their way into shelter is due to human cruelty (i.e., dog fighting), human's ignorance (i.e., not spading or neutering), or because they got sick of the responsibility (i.e., Christmas present gone wrong). It is because of US that shelters are filled to the brim causing shelters to--you guessed it--kill animals on a regular basis.

Okay, enough of ranting, let's act!

Like FreeRice, try out you knowledge about dogs at Free Kibble. Each quiz earns 10 kibble pieces to the Central Oregon Humane Society.
Click away at Animal Rescue. Yeah! One click and the sponsors donate money to various animal shelters. Hooray!
Donate money, time, or supplies to your local shelter. It is really easy to figure out your local animal shelter via Google. They need folks to step up the plate, so let's help out!

If you have any other ideas, don't hesitate to share with me via email or drop it in the comments.

Inspired by Do One Nice Thing

3BT: A Struggle

2008-04-04T10:56:00.003-05:00

Video taping Chandi sleeping with her tongue out just a little. I never knew she does that! It's terribly cute.
...
...

This week has been hard. I'm struggling finding ONE beautiful thing from this past week. Obviously, my friends who have reached out to me and who I engaged have been true angels. But, those aren't small quips of the day. Sigh. Hopefully, next week will be a little bit better.

::+::

Dear Sun Spirit,

Why are you so mean? It started with you all out and about on Wednesday. Today you won't even peek out. You are such a royal tease. I really need you here, like how you bless my home all the time. I need your yellowness, that in turn, makes most of us wear skirts, dresses, and find our flirtatious side again. I need you to come out to make me feel like all of what I am feeling right now will change.

Jeez, I'm mean. I didn't even ask how YOU are. How are you? Are you enjoying how we are letting you in our little planet more and more? Aren't we humans crazy with all the damage we have done? Sad to hear that you, indirectly, are causing the polar ice caps to melt, leaving polar bears, penguins, and other animals in these regions with the honor of joining the extinct list soon.

That's depressing. See, you not being here, see what it does? Anyway, I hope you know that I care about you. I miss you. Although I do enjoy the clouds from time to time, I really miss having you here. Come back, sooner than next weekend.

Your sunshine friend,

Chai

These letters are part of the NaBloPoMo series "Letters" for the month of April.

2008-04-03T10:50:00.002-05:00

dear sunshine girl,

thank you for helping me yesterday. it's a strange wonder how technology can do what it did yesterday. i won't question technology. thank god for it, especially after yesterday.

for some reason, having a pact with you about certain steps both of us are going to take made me feel like i am part of a team. somehow that clicked....and i think the weather helped too. what a day of sunshine, while strolling through the farmer's market can do for a soul!

i can't wait to check up on you in a few days. i hope you know i'm here for you too.

with love,
chai

So, Ideas

2008-04-02T22:38:00.002-05:00

Dear God,

Are you there? It's me, Margaret

I heart Judy Blume. Some days, I wish I could just go back.

You No Foo, Foo!

2008-04-01T02:41:00.001-05:00

Dear 11A Chai:

How are you? If you feel groggy, you know why. If you are still up, you know why. If you don't remember, let me do a quick recap. You decided to stay up past your normal bedtime and surf the Internet. You can't get to sleep because you have too many things on your mind. You have no idea about how things will be in two months. Yes, that is big. And instead of being healthy and going to sleep to tackle the next day, you stubbornly decided to stay awake. If you can't make decisions right now, blame it on yourself at 3A.

I'm writing you this letter not because I think I am creative or cute, even though you know I am. I am doing it because I am part of NaBloPoMo and the theme for April is letters. You know that got me really excited because I do enjoy sending letters. I sent over seven letters in March (goal #62 in 108 in 2008). Each were handwritten and stamped with love. Some were sealed, others were postcards. Also, in the process of cleaning out my Gmail account (with 63 emails in my Inbox!), I wrote e-letters, or emails, to people I have missed chatting with over the years. Some have responded, others have not. It's okay, people move on and no matter how far we advance in technology, you can't keep in touch with everyone!

I hope you know that no matter what happens in the next few weeks, days, hours, you do have yourself. And even though you may feel lost and really confused about which way is up, as you hold the map, realize that you have the sole potential to find your way out of this. Don't give up on yourself like you have in the past. Carry on and through these adversities in whatever self-preservation techniques you have adapted to your environment. Each obstacle that you face is just another test of your strength, your mission, and your desire to continue.

I know you are tapped out. I know that you can't concentrate, you can't eat, you can't sleep. But, like a real soldier, you need your rest and your food. Those two staples, over everything else, will help you conquer these gradual declines, with your steely pumps and skinny jeans.

Okay, enough of pumping you up. Go get your eyebrows done and your nails did. You have a big day tomorrow and don't let anything hold you down, oh no, you got to keep on moving.

With love,
3:29A Chai

DOTN #1: Clicking Away

2008-03-31T12:34:00.002-05:00

Beginning today, I am starting the "Do One Thing Nice" Mondays, where I suggest different ways we can get involved in our various communities by doing something nice. Inspired by the blog, Do One Thing Nice, I was moved by the small amounts of money, time, and words of encouragement we can "donate" to "strangers." Although part of doing something nice means feeling good about yourself, a large part of it for me is really making someone's goals come to light. And thankfully that is one of my 108 in 2008.

What can you do today? I encourage you to do the following:

1. Watch "Joe's Journey" on Karma Tube.

2. Write an email to Silas Hagerty thanking him for making the documentary about Joe Damon and his family and friends. [Found on Karma Tube link above.]

3. Click on Hunger Site and go through all the sites. Each click helps the different causes in more ways than I can ever do in my life time.

Want other ideas? Here you go!

In the comments, share what acts you did today inspired by the DOTN movement.

something in the water

2008-03-31T12:14:00.003-05:00

is it me or is everyone either filled to the brim with happiness or empty and on the verge of hitting rock bottom (or have and decidedly scoped out property down there)? i am hearing beautiful news of friends (or friends' partners) being pregnant, giving birth to healthy babies, and finding their role as a mother/father as smooth as pinkberry yogurt. or of people finding their soul mates and getting engaged in these lavish ways. or people finding their passions and running after it without much planning and enjoying every-single-moment.

on the flip, i am hearing of friends getting wasted and crying about not finding their mate. and it isn't whining, but real tears streaming down their face expressing what they have bottled up for too long. i listen to friends not finding a job of their dreams and being so malnourished at their current job. i hear of friends who are struggling with making ends meet, financially and emotionally, in their marriage.

it is hard to be the shoulder and cheerleader for friends while remaining positive in your own life. i don't want to push anyone out and remaining distant is, although an easy task for me with clients, hard when the person needing you is a friend, a root in your tree.

times like this, i really wish i had a therapist to just let it all out, you know whadda i mean?

Three BT: Vacations

2008-03-28T14:15:00.002-05:00

Coming home after a mini vacation and eating what you want to eat.
Meeting an old friend, in NYC for a conference, and catching up over breakfast.
Cleaning up the house and going food shopping for a friend's arrival into NYC.

3bt

i can't write for too long because i still have to fold the laundry and do a quick sweep of the place. after living in nyc for over a year, i have become so accustomed to having people around me everywhere. it was strange to be in dc, in the middle of the day, and have the sidewalk to myself in arguably the busiest part of the city. i have so many random quips from this trip to dc. let me share one:

i left the hotel room and started walking toward the elevator. on the walk over, the corridor smelled of marijuana. as a resident assistant in college, we were "trained" to sniff out the rooms that were eminating marijuana. i figured out the room and kept walking. some days, it seems easier to legalize marijuana.

i got to the elevator. a few minutes later, i hear a kid's voice ask someone, "what is that smell? it smells really weird." i started laughing quietly, wondering how the someone would answer. the older voice said, "huh, i dunno. i think it is a candle or maybe someone's food." right when she said food, the older voice, an older woman, and the kid turned the corner and i made eye contact with both of them. i wanted to correct her and tell the kid that it was actually marijuana that he smelled.

my anti-drug: candles. the sad thing is that i don't know if the older woman knew what she was smelling.

::+::
with spring cleaning in full force (are people feeling that inherent pull to clean?), i decided to pull a zen-like event and clean out my gmail inbox (inspired by a personal conversation between maisnon and i months ago). it had over 4700 messages. i am close to 2,000 now. i am still organizing, deleting, and reliving many of the emails. i really do feel like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders. who knew that cleaning your gmail could bring such immediate gratification?

my goal is to only have twenty emails in my inbox.

ouch!

2008-03-25T13:58:00.002-05:00

yesterday i got a bikini wax. i don't mind bikini waxes. nevermind, i do mind them. they suck. they are horribly painful. but, we, women do it anyway. and i was excited to get it done because i was staying at a hotel in dc. and this hotel has a sought after pool. so, knowing that dc is warming up this week (and the cherry blossoms are blooming), i took out my bikini from the summer clothing tub.

the bikini wax was painful. more painful than anything. she said i was not relaxing enough. she asked if this was due to waxing or if i was a tense person. jesus, why does everyone try to psychoanalyze nowadays? i said waxing. T probably would have responded with glee that someone else recognized my stressful attitude. HA. i was puffy and red. it hurt. she didn't listen.

we got in at 11P. after asking about "non-smoking room", "one bed please", and "yes, we have a dog", T asked the guest services if the pool is open.

"no, it won't be open until next month."

sigh. after all that. i was so ready to begin my tan. heh.

Three Beautiful Things: Good Friday Edition

2008-03-21T15:51:00.003-05:00

Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury. --E.H. Chapin

Standing on the corner between this street and that avenue catching sunshine on my face.
Being surrounded by newspapers' front pages from around the world on September 12, displaying events that occurred on September 11 at the ICP and sharing "where were you?" with two new friends (Maya & Zenita) who I met through this blog.
Crossing off many, many things on my "to do" list with a cheap, blue pen.

3Bt

Previous entries this month:
Three Fs Edition
I Sit Edition

day of silence

2008-03-20T08:12:00.002-05:00

in college, the organization i was heavily involved in, the clothesline project, organized a day of silence. we taped our mouths or wore bandannas across our face to show our ~~sisterhood~~ humanhood with those people who could not speak up against the horrible atrocities of violence they face on a daily basis. it was a very powerful social act that reverberated with the personal. this act, of finding a common ground with others, with ourselves, influenced my life.

starting in 2006, i began practicing a day of fast every week. i chose thursdays, since in sanskrit guruvar or thursdays are days where most hindus fast for their gurus. my guru has always been--you. life, my community, the spirit in nature, in us. i fast for my brothers and sisters in this nation and every nation in the world who have no money to eat three meals a day (or even one meal), who don't have clean drinking water, who don't have the energy to fight the fight.

i do it to find solidarity.

it's my act of social justice that i can do to bring attention FOR MYSELF to these issues. it makes me appreciate what i do have: a fridge with so many items of food, a freezer that is stocked, a pantry with more dried foods and fruits that we can ever eat, a roof over my head in a nice part of the world, a very loving husband, bountiful friends, two parents who adore me, siblings who mean the world to me, etc.

today, i am filled with annoyance and anger with certain people and actions. i can't explain who and why, but i know a) it is not healthy for me to get angry /annoyed at these people because negative energy breeds negative energy and b) why bother? just move on, chai.

so, today, i am distracted from my greater mission of thursdays. today, i am looking to find solidarity within myself, my neutrons, my electrons, to practice the art of letting go. even though i know the end result is always beautiful, getting there is half the battle.

sweeping the net for you

2008-03-19T08:51:00.002-05:00

i have been reading and spending time on the internet for you.

here is what i have found:

when did the hip hop wars from the 90s begin? some say it started in 1994 with the ambush of tupac. LA Times online has a five page article on what happened, how sean "puffy" combs was behind the 1994 attack, and how that started the back and forth between west and east coast rappers.

the second avenue deli is back! i had heard about this deli when reading the nytimes a few years back when it suddenly closed. but it is back and npr has a great article, video, and audio (all of them are the same). although it is a meat eaters heaven, i want to go.

senator barack obama's speech was utterly amazing. i found his story regarding ashley and the old black man really touching.

There is a young, 23-year-old woman, a white woman named Ashley Baia, who organized for our campaign in Florence, South Carolina.

She'd been working to organize a mostly African-American community since the beginning of this campaign, and one day she was at a roundtable discussion where everyone went around telling their story and why they were there.

And Ashley said that when she was 9 years old, her mother got cancer. And because she had to miss days of work, she was let go and lost her health care. They had to file for bankruptcy, and that's when Ashley decided that she had to do something to help her mom.

She knew that food was one of their most expensive costs...

She did this for a year until her mom got better. And so Ashley told everyone at the roundtable that the reason she had joined our campaign was so that she could help the millions of other children in the country who want and need to help their parents too.

Now, Ashley might have made a different choice. Perhaps somebody told her along the way that the source of her mother's problems were blacks who were on welfare and too lazy to work, or Hispanics who were coming into the country illegally. But she didn't. She sought out allies in her fight against injustice.

Anyway, Ashley finishes her story and then goes around the room and asks everyone else why they're supporting the campaign.

...

And finally they come to this elderly black man who's been sitting there quietly the entire time. And Ashley asks him why he's there.

And he doesn't bring up a specific issue. He does not say health care or the economy. He does not say education or the war. He does not say that he was there because of Barack Obama.

He simply says to everyone in the room, "I am here because of Ashley."

the simplicity of that story brought me to tears. isn't that we are all trying to do- find a connection to each other, to our neighbors, our co-workers, our sisters and brothers in different parts of the country and world.

is it me or do people in power fail to see reality? there have been several examples of this in recent years, even as close as this week with economics. today, president bush gave a speech where he said iraq is a victory. over 3,000 soldiers have died IN iraq. hundreds of thousands of iraqis have died since the US invasion. what is the victory? i don't see it.

finally!!!!! the following news made me jump up and down and scream at 11P yesterday. so, what is it? MONK IS going to be ON NBC starting in april!!!! woo hoo!!! i heart monk. i don't watch much tee-vee and we cut cable. the shows i watch are: law & order, law & order svu, scrubs, & the office. when we had cable i watched monk. so, now that monk is on basic tee-vee, i am adding that to my dish. YEAH! :)

infidelity

2008-03-18T16:54:00.003-05:00

i can't say that i'm in shock spitzer-style, but i did find it fascinating to hear of a man and woman acknowledging their infidelities to the media. it is refreshing to hear the mistakes that both people did in a relationship. although, albeit, not that i give a damn.

honestly, i could care less what you do in your private sphere, as long as it does not affect me (i.e., you using tax dollars to pay for a stripper) and is not abuse or any kind. i know that marriage is hard and requires a lot of work. there is a consistency to marriage that i am getting used to and that is: communication is not easy. saying or writing things to your partner for good or bad reasons can help or hurt the relationship. and finding that delicate balance is an art form that, like meditation, must be practiced daily and never fully mastered.

i know many people who have cheated on their partners for various reasons. one thing i will say is that a cheating person may not be the best of friends and i have tried to stay away from those who find infidelity exciting, relieving, or a pill they must swallow. cheating is a symptom that a relationship has hit a wall and it makes me happy to hear that gov. paterson and his wife- michelle, made head way into rectifying whatever the issues were in their relationship. maybe they were forced to air out their relationship, but i applaud them for doing so.

Seasons of Love

2008-03-17T15:45:00.003-05:00

this weekend was packed without any planning.

friday was filled with italian baking, quinoa (pic to the right), and west wing. after some consumption, and hours next to the stove, at 11P we started watching a great documentary. what the bleep do we know? is a movie that ties quantum physics, neurology, and the relationship with spirituality in an effort to understand your brain. it is a documentary that maisnon suggested we watch. at first, T was apprehensive. but once i started reading the summary and it included the words "quantum physics" he was all over it. i don't want to go into too much detail about the documentary since you WILL be watching it in the next few days (really, you should). however, i will say that our brains are so profound and an amazing tool we can use for good, not only for others, but for us.

from that friday night, i woke up to T starting turbo tax, a mess of papers, and perpetual headaches. as a proud American citizen, i have always looked at paying taxes as a common man ritual. it makes every single person weep, laugh, or sigh. it is a bond that you and i share. but this year, i wanted to scream at the computer, at T, and at myself. as unfortunate as it is that most of our money goes to the war and other events that i do not agree with, i do agree with legal aid, non-profits helping others, and to national parks. so, with the bad, must come the good, right?

we then blew any return we may get on saturday night plans of debauchery. perhaps not smart.

on sunday, as my late valentine day's present, T & i ventured to a little road called broadway and saw..LION KING. it was amazingly beautiful. although crowded and touristy, we had a blast. we also found a really yummy pizza place near our home. we got home, changed, and then put Rent in the dvd player. T had never seen the movie/play. i think he really liked it. after Rent, we watched "A Streetcar Named Desire." my goodness! marlon brando took my breath away. how handsome was he at that age!

the night ended, again, at 1A.

oh, and i finally finished middlesex. lovely prose, intricate characters, and what a story! definitely a must read. next on my list: inheritance of loss

Three Beautiful Things: 3Fs Edition

2008-03-14T10:49:00.002-05:00

Being surrounded by different cookbooks to figure out what exactly to do with the eggplant I bought.
Sharing stories of strength by letting go of baggage and the power of positivity with a dear friend, while eating a home-cooked meal.
Laughing at myself from feeling pain from my first run of the season.

3bt

::+::
i have to share a deep love affair i've had since i was a child. it's known to one person, but now i want it to be known to many. i love photo booths. i love sitting on a seat sat by hundreds, pulling the curtain, to take four pictures of me and anyone with me. i can't pinpoint how this love affair started. probably by curiosity, then being a bored mall rat, and then by the fascination of wanting something now. of course, amelie, one of my favorite quirky movies, brought the photo booth back in the limelight.

the photo booth has brought t and i closer. we have taken several photo booth shots that have chronicled our relationship. in high school, we have two sessions. we look terribly young and infatuated with each other. then in law school, we have one. and post law school we have a handful. we take them whenever we see a photo booth. and not my surprise and delight, nyc has a number of photo booths, maybe in homage to our love for ourselves or because the booth was invented here.

this past sunday, we took a shot at Lakeside Lounge, in their vintage, non-digitized (chemical) photo booth. we look like we did in high school: infatuated with each other, happy, and at home in each other's arms in a photo booth.

2008-03-12T09:18:00.002-05:00

i had such an odd dream.

my mom was staying with us. i got up to go to the bathroom. the lights do not work. when i ask T why the lights are working, he doesn't respond. finally, i get a flashlight and i open the door and start screaming. i see hundreds of moths lining the walls. somehow the shower turns on and i'm in it, crying because there are moths flying everywhere. some escape into the kitchen and bed. i start crying more but if i open my mouth, moths try to enter.

we call the sup and he brings this chemical and prepares to bomb the house. i get really scared because i hate chemicals. i start yelling and tell him "no." then the sup offers us a place at another apartment. and then we were in rural california, bordering nevada.

what a weird dream. any dream analysts out there who can help me?

flashforward

2008-03-11T17:14:00.002-05:00

all of last week i was so unmotivated to do anything. all i wanted to do was lay in my pjs and watch mindless television. i watched west wing. it isn't mindless, but it was television.

this weekend changed my goals of unmotivation. i am now motivated to tackle my goals.

what happened this weekend? let's bullet point, shall we?

i spent a lot of time with friends who all made me laugh. a lot. i saw friends from NYC, my running mates, my close friend from DC, friends from CA, friends from Canada, friends in Boston.
i got massively hung over. and it was one of those moments were it just happened without me realizing.
i discovered new parts of NYC. i visited Roosevelt Island. i checked out the UES, near York Ave. i went to new bars in my area and Alphabet City.
i traveled by bus, subway, air tramway, and by foot. it was awesome.

all this activity got me going again. i am off and running (minus yesterday since i was nursing my hangover). i have my planner out and am writing things, figuring other things, and enjoying some empty space.

k, i'm off to walk chandi and eat dinner.

The Beautiful Things: I Sit Edition

2008-03-07T15:58:00.003-05:00

hearing chandi chew on her bone with such delight.
watching a few birds in the backyard, wondering how it must feel to have blue feathers.
feeling sweaty. ;)

3Bt

yesterday night, i went to a poetry reading. it has been too long since i heard syllabus take on gravity. it was beautiful to hear poets read their poetry, tell their story in such different ways. it made me think about how often i turn to poetry to churn out my feelings on paper, when sometimes full stops can't do it. i miss poetry. i miss weekly poetry outings i would dedicate my tuesday nights to in los angeles. i need to find a weekly poetry joint, so i can be carried away by words attached to each other by a theme and a rhythm...

A Dangerous Disease

2008-03-06T10:20:00.002-05:00

I'm struggling with what most lay people would call toomuchfreetime. It is a rarity in our nation to find someone with toomuchfreetime, but I have it. I'm unsure at this point if it is contagious. I do sense that others become negative when they hear that all I did today was sleep-eat-play-take a walk with chandi-shower-sleep. And I'm still laughing, so I know it can't be the D word. Although when I am D, I still laugh, just at everything because nothing makes sense.

But, I digress. Another symptom of toomuchfreetime.

You can talk about things, fight about things, laugh about things, observe things that you wouldn't necessarily care to do if it weren't for toomuchfreetime.

I have been planning to sit with my planner and sketch out my day. I do have things to do, people to meet, and internet searches to occur (the folder marked "after bar" has not been opened yet...). I also have projects to finish, projects to begin, and projects to imagine.

Although the downside with toomuchfreetime is that many others do not have it. Therefore, I end up spending lots of time with myself, West Wing, talking to random strangers, and sometimes hearing my dog talk to me. She is even a victim of toomuchfreetime. She sleeps ALL THE TIME. After sleeping for nine hours, she is still sleeping comfortably underneath the goosefeather comforter, dreaming of chasing the bigger dogs (I know because her hind legs are always moving).

Again, digression.

One of these days my Planner Pad will come out and be filled again. One day.

Be careful of toomuchfreetime. It can be a dangerously sloth like disease.

my first day back in nyc

2008-03-04T18:50:00.002-05:00

i arrived on virgin america (it was nice, but my heart belongs to jetblue), took a taxi, and stepped into our studio. to my dismay, it was a mess. T said he spent two hours cleaning it up before i arrived, but sadly it was not enough. it should have been around... two days. so, i cleaned, which is an act i enjoy, but not yesterday. i just wanted to crash.

luckily, i stopped myself from going crazy and did crash. but before i did, i unpacked, did the laundry, swept & mopped, and spot cleaned the bathroom (meaning it needs a real clean ASAP). i also watched a movie called junebug. it's really interesting movie because of the way the dialogue and character building works and sometimes doesn't. amy adams did a GREAT job in this movie.

after T came home, we chatted for about two hours. i missed him. i enjoy being with him. although sometimes i wonder if he really gets me, he usually is 97% on the money. the other 3% is hard, but he'll get it over time. after dinner (tandoori paneer wraps, courtesy of mama chai), i watched thumbsucker. this movie is another sundance film movie (like junebug). tilda, the woman who won best supporting actress, is the mom in the film. what i enjoyed about the film is the development of the main character, a kid, along with the kid's orthodonist, who is played by keanu reeves.

i crashed at 11P and didn't wake up until 9:30A. although it was a slightly rough day, i am glad to be back home, in NYC, with T and...CHANDI! :)

Three Beautiful Things: Leap Year Edition

2008-02-29T10:55:00.002-05:00

Three beautiful things:

1. Taking a deep breath, looking around, and letting it go.

2. Having water develop in my tear ducts as I sat there in the convention center after I turned in my last essay. Phew, I felt like I crossed the marathon finish line.

3. Listening to friends' stories to catch up with real life, sharing quality time with the Ins, playing ball with Chandi, and staying up to the wee hours and talking to the little ones.

Previous Links:
Saturday Edition
The Really Late Edition
Local Edition

::+::
thank you for all the positive energy. i truly felt it. it lifted me up during the exam. i couldn't have done the exam without it. i walked away feeling like i did after running the marathon finish line: "wow, all that lead up to this." thank you for everything.

::+:
on the books today? a meet up a high school girlfriend, RB (now RA), for breakfast and to rub her tummy cause i love being that obnoxious friend that rubs preggo tummies without asking. i consider it good luck (yes, like buddha's belly). and then do a little bit of thrift store shopping, followed by beauty appoints, a trip to the google cafeteria (!!) for lunch, qt with Chandi, dinner with the family, and then meeting up with friends to do some wine tasting and karaoking. i cannot wait.

tomorrow? i am hoping to go out and run a few miles, fabric store to collect some fabric, and then at night hit up SF.

i'm just so happy to be BACK. :)

happy leap day!

three day weekend?

2008-02-19T08:01:00.002-05:00

it's quite sad that i didn't even realize that this weekend was a three day weekend. i'm so stuck in my own world right now, screaming and kicking against the glass door to let me OUT. only a few more days and i'll be done. i can't wait. of course, my only dialogue contains legal elements littered with "after the bar, after the bar." i have a folder bookmarked "things to read/do after the bar." there are about 19 tabs.

i will be hibernating for a few days, appearing on leap day, with a leap. till then, i wish you all the best. keep doing what you do best.

Three Beautiful Things: Saturday Edition

2008-02-16T08:31:00.003-05:00

You want to read something sad? I didn't even realize that yesterday was Friday until my neighbor started playing jazz and hiphop really loudly around 10P. I kept thinking why s/he was playing music at this, um, godly hour. Really.

It's been one of those weeks, where all the day just blur together. My routine is the same, with mere changes.

So, yesterday, I had no clue it was Friday and I didn't do my ThreeBT of the week. Let me add a caveat about my list: I haven't been out much this week because of the crunch time with studying, but I did find a few moments of reflection. Without further ado, my list:

Using a heart shape cookie cutter on a PB&J sandwich triggering a memory of how my mom used to put love notes in my lunches from time to time. I would love to reinstate that with T and others when the opportunity arises.
Being comforted by words of faith by a few loved ones who truly believe in my capabilities, while simultaneously recognizing that Obama has lifted many people's vernacular to include, "Yes, YOU can," in any sentence addressed to uplift you.
Using smelly markers to make posters and taping them on the wall.

Finally, I want to admit that I am a HUGE West Wing addict. I just recently got into that show with season 4 discs. I am on season 5, disc 2, episode 3 and I can't get enough. I sorta wish I watched this when it was the craze. However, like all shows that I love, I hate the trend where the show begins with smart, brilliantly written plots, with beautiful words, which eventually are dumbed down for the masses. Geez, we can handle intelligent writing, folks!

v-day: the day of doom

2008-02-14T08:19:00.002-05:00

each february 14 something in the not so good sphere happens. i get sick, i miss someone incredibly leaving me at a loss for words, i get into a massive fight, i forget that it is v-day...and i never get a rose when all my classmates did (it was probably all in my head that everyone got roses for the lovely PTA sponsored "rose grams" in high school).

but this year, this year was going to be different. although i am not one for holidays and such, i thought this year i was going to conquer the cupid once and for all. instead, i am stuck bar studying. and worse yet, i have bad news.

t's aunt is going into surgery in about two hours for an emergency breast removal due to breast cancer.

she is young.
she is a mother of two.
she is a rock hard feminist (taught women's study at a university).
she is the first person in the family to develop breast cancer.

it's all a bit of a downer. oddly enough, i haven't seen her since we got married. so, in a few weeks, when we go there, it'll be the first time she sees her nephew as a married man. strange how events bring people together.

she is extremely private, which i want to respect. however, i want to do something special for her through out these next few months. we offered up babysitting services (kids are 3 and 8). we offered to come during any weekend to help clean, cook, play with the kiddies. and of course, we will be donating (two friends are doing the avon breast cancer walk) in honor of her. any other ideas would be appreciated ...

on a lighter note, happy valentine's day to you...and yours. it's a great day to reflect on how you love you love, why you love, and treat YOU to your own lowwwve.

February 12: Twelve in 12

2008-02-13T07:52:00.015-05:00

Yesterday, I participated in 12 in 12:

My day begins on email...I want to break this habit, but it's so hard!

the breakfast routine of TJ bagel, toasted, with light whipped cream cheese, accompanied by tea. i received free samples (via this blog!) fair trade chai a few days ago and it is really, really, REALLY good chai tea. check it out here.

as many of you know, i am diligently studying for the California bar exam. i thought, "hey, i have the time and space to get back to this exam, why not?" so, i am. yesterday (and today and tomorrow) i am doing a practice exam. studying in the winter is much better than the summer. when it is raining/snowing/freezing outside, i have no desire to do much but stay at home...and read. of course, i'd rather be reading books, than flashcards, outlines, and notes. only a few more weeks!

after lunch, i went to goodwill to drop off clothes, sheets, and shoes.

then, off to the library i went to do the second half of my exam.

after hours of studying, i went to the post office to mail a letter. did you know that stamp prices are going up? buy the forever stamps now! i bought around 60. :)

after venturing out in the cold sans gloves and hat (i didn't know it was going to snow!), i came home and made myself a nice cup of (instant) hot chocolate. it was tres yummy.

on to flashcards to warm my brain up for the portion i am taking today. and boy, do i hate it went people fail to disclose.

T came home, a bit on the early side (8P), and brought me flowers because i finished one of three days of the practice exam. i am mighty lucky.

after gorging ourselves on mexican food, we played a game of UNO. it's surprisingly fun with two folks. and i had my flashcards near, just in case T took too long to drop his "draw 2, draw 2, skip, skip, wild draw 4, blue" cards.

to enhance my, ehem, evidence and, ehem, criminal law and procedure, i diligently watched law & order: special victims unit. the t.v. is decorated with inspirational quotes that T printed and taped every where around our studio. the quotes really help with grounding me while i study and get frustrated with the flashcards.

the night always ends with a book or magazine. yesterday's choice was the new yorker, and this cartoon made me laugh. if you can't tell, it's a man being hit in the head with a heart shaped box of chocolates, while he has his back turned in a single sofa seat, reading the newspaper. dunno why, but it made me chuckle.

and there you have it! i hope on march 12 my life is slightly more exciting. i can say for sure that i won't be surrounded by flashcards. :)

3BT: The Really Late Edition

2008-02-08T22:53:00.000-05:00

yes, that is right. i'm outing myself as the married woman who chooses to stay home on a friday night, by herself, instead of partying on the UES. hi. over here. that's me, in the grey pajama bottoms with a rip in the crotch, with a harvard sweatshirt that is too comfortable to throw out. and so, i sit here, on his side of the bed, typing away my three beautiful things of the week.

what a gloriously strange week it has been.

learned to listen to a breast cancer surviving, Parkinson's dealing, born and raised in Manhattan, now living in the Bronx, and a poem contest winner's life story for a few hours while sitting at the library. of course, i was a bit annoyed at first, but for some reason her eyes, smile, and demeanor told me to stop, drop, and listen.
heard a young girl ask her adult companion, "what is a weiner schnitzel?" in the most innocent voice that only a seven year old can capture.
while throwing away our rubbish, two bags filled with clothes captured my eyes. these clothes, some with tags on them still, were all my size. and, although i don't mind, each article of clothing was top label. so strange. this is the third time this has happened to me here. so i scored a suit, many sweaters, three pants, and cute dresses and skirts. no need for shopping! all are in dry cleaning. so strange, right? my exact size?!

i hope everyone is enjoying their friday evenings, don't what you do best. :)

my horoscope

2008-02-06T15:24:00.000-05:00

You are either feeling pushed or determined to achieve your goals, and either way, working with some unusual level of energy. You have a lot going for you, and you're headed for an authentic breakthrough -- please do not push your health. You may need to be a bit of a tyrant with yourself about this; the habits you create now are the ones that will follow you for the next six months. Take this month and strive for balance. Build the concept into everything that you do, touch and feel. Whenever you're feeling out of sorts, consider the matter of equilibrium. Eat when you're hungry, drink when you're thirsty and sleep when you're tired. As the year progresses, you're only going to become more determined to achieve certain long-cherished goals, build your vision and live your dreams. To do that you need to take the most exquisite care possible of your physical vehicle -- and your mental one. Choose three or four things that nourish your mind, and do them regularly.

what is yours? check it out here.

happy, happy, joy, joy.

2008-02-06T14:50:00.000-05:00

my mood is like the weather today- drizzly, gray, and quiet. it's been a heck of a day, with many hours proceeding these with more fun times. the aftermath left tangibles and intangibles broken or in disarray. when thinking about the release of writing, i realized that i was fundamentally concentrating on the happiness the activity brought to my life, my being. i have gone back to the age old question, what makes you happy?

Here is my list of things that make me happy:

Making something. I really enjoy crafting and cooking, two umbrellas that cover the art of making. I feel useful, creative, and energetic when engaging in the course of making. I also get to utilize my logic, rational, and practical self when building a meal or gingerbread house.
Writing. Writing is just another way to express yourself, but it is a tool that has always brought me comfort in times of sadness/despair/anger and joy in times of happiness/positive force.
Being surrounded by nature. Yesterday, while doing the mundane task of throwing out the garbage, I saw a potted tree next to the dump. I was in awe of the tree, the beautiful leaves, the intertwined trunk, and the areas of regenerative growth. I sat there and just stared. It dawned on me that someone was seeking to throw away the tree, so I asked Bienbineto, the cleaning man, if it was garbage. He said it was and assisted me to get the heavy tree into the studio. The tree has brought so much comfort and flooded my memory banks of camping trips, summer camps, and being a child with nature. Nature has always been my mother, my father, my friend, and my enemy.
Receiving mail from friends. There is nothing more exciting than receiving mail from a friend. Mail, up to the present, from friends has always meant good news. Over the past few weeks, I am been trying to send mail to friends and family. After a long day at work, it really is special to open up an envelope with a note inside that says, "I am thinking about you."
Dancing. This morning, before T left for work, while listening to BBC Radio, he took my hand and we danced. It made me smile really wide. I really enjoy all types of dancing, especially when we are dancing in nature. :)
Reading books, blogs, and newspapers. Jumping into a good or maybe a bad book is a great lift from the reality of now. I love reading a book underneath some blankets, with a steaming hot cup of tea at arm's length. Nothing can beat that feeling.
Talking and being around friends. Times like right now, I miss being around a gang of friends. Being around friends gives us a sense of connection and a community. Sometimes, even when it is out there and we don't remember, having dinner or a shopping date with a friend can change your entire outlook on the day/week/month/situation.
Playing with Chandi. I am jonesing for Chandi right now. She makes me really happy because she allows me to be me and she STILL loves me for that. That unconditional love is so rarely expressed or conducting with humans, seeing that every.single.day in an animal makes me grounded and gives me faith.
Running. Exercise is a great way to get those receptors to produce the happy hormone. When I started running, I saw a huge difference in my happiness levels that I miss running regularly. But, have no fear, I may be training for a marathon again. :)
Organizing. I kinda have this thing about organizing. It isn't OCD thing, it's just an organizing thing. I'm not a perfectionist, but I like organization. AnyWAY, it makes me happy to have things in the right and most logical place, along with some bit of chaos so everything around me isn't organized. That way, when I need it, I can organize that bit of chaos.

chain links

2008-02-04T23:11:00.000-05:00

has everyone's mailboxes been flooded with friends' emails regarding hillary or obama (mostly obama, right?)? mine was also about how much the giants rocked. (okay, that is a lie. no, it's not a lie that the giants rock, but none of my friends care that they won. the underdogs beat perfection? come on, that is a story!)

well, i have some links for you that i have received in the past days. it's really good links. please check it out.

Across Continents, Rider Delivers Message Will, Passion
(hat tip vlove)
Green Glamour of Dwell by my friend bryce (yeah!!)

Grace Lee Boggs' view on this election

Sign up for Oprah's free web class on Eckert Tolle's book A New Earth

i'm too tried to get the other links. in the midst of typing this, i began and finished a two-hour debate with T about obama and hillary. phew! that was too interesting. i haven't seen T that intense and me that round about in a long time.

oh, and i started making some lists on listography. it's a great gadget to compliment 43things.

okay, i'm off to sleep.

Wear Red Today!

2008-02-01T08:09:00.000-05:00

I was supposed to post about this yesterday, to get the ball rolling on the fashion decision for today, but alas, pizza making got the best of me.

Today is National Wear Red Day! Here is a bit from the website:

Join with thousands of women, companies and organizations and cities across America on National Wear Red Day, Friday, February 1, 2008. By wearing red and making a donation, you'll help the American Heart Association support ongoing research and education about women and heart disease. As always, another way to join the celebration is to Shop Go Red by selecting Go Red apparel, accessories and more, available from our sponsors!

What To Wear
National Wear Red Day has its own dress code. Wear your favorite red clothes or accessory - a red blouse, a red dress pin, a fabulous red handbag - put on red lipstick, or sport a red tie and red socks. Go red in your own fashion to show your support for women and the fight against heart disease.

Why You Should Wear Red!
Too few people realize that heart disease is the No. 1 killer of women (and men), but the good news is heart disease can often be prevented. Spreading the Go Red For Women message "Love Your Heart" raises awareness of heart disease and empowers women to reduce their risk.

The cool thing about today, in addition to wearing sexy red, is that if you go to Macy's, you will receive 15% off to use that day. So, you know those shoes that you want or that dress for V-day? Wear red, go to Macy's, and get your 15% off!

Three Beautiful Things: Local Edition

2008-02-01T07:57:00.000-05:00

Hearing the church bell toll every hour, needing no watch, and making up stories that two boys are in charge of ringing the bell.
Having Mr. Henry tell me that the reason he doesn't get sick is because he doesn't wear a scarf. He would ask how I am doing every day this week.
Making pizza with all the ingredients I like which include: tabula rasa from Trader Joe's, pizza sauce from Trader Joe's, soy cheese, spinach, fresh garlic, minced jalepeno, fire roasted peppers, sliced black olives, sun-dried tomatoes, tofurkey sausage sliced. It was so yummy, so yummy!

Inspired by Three Beautiful Things.

more blankets

2008-01-29T20:03:00.001-05:00

more blankets, originally uploaded by rversde23.

thank you maya, AN, RK, T's parents, and my parents for joining me on this small community service project. it is always inspiring to see others get inspired through an email, blog post, story. i rolled up all the blankets in easy-to-carry sizes, bagged them, and was ready to head out.

around 9:15, my flu just got worse. i pretended like i was fine and that i was sniffling because Dubya's last speech was too damn long and poorly written. but T caught on to my act and put the kabash on doing the DHS homeless count. "you can't help others, when you don't help yourself," he said, which made me giggle because i love it when he talks sexy. :)

and so we figured out another plan. we will give out the blankets this Friday and Saturday. we may even bring a thermos of hot chocolate to share with folks we meet on the way. i crashed at 10:30P, the time we were supposed to be going to our site for an hour seminar on how to survey unsheltered homeless, before venturing out on the streets of NYC from 12 to 4A.

there is always next year.

New York, New York, the City of Dreams

2008-01-29T16:36:00.000-05:00

It has been slightly over one year since I moved to New York to begin my sinfree life of living with my partner. I was a bit nervous about moving here. I had heard all those things that everyone hears when they tell a person that they are moving to New York. "Oooh, that's cool, but I hate it there." "I like New York for the weekend, but I couldn't imagine living there." Or the best, "You have to move to Brooklyn because all those Manhattan folks are just uppity people. You will HATE living in Manhattan."

Well, I don't. I actually love living in New York, New York. Like every city, it has its pit falls, but with an area boasting over millions of people, I think it is doing fairly well. In honour of my one year stint in New York, here are the top ten things I have learned from living in New York.

Having a dietary restrictions is part and parcel of the restaurant scene. I was really anxious when I became a vegan last February. I didn't know if I could eat out, where would I eat, and what would the waiter think when I would pull a Sally and have all these requests. Little did I know that New York is the place for a vegan and for most diets. You can find restaurants that cater to gluten-free, kosher, vegan, carnivore, diabetic, cereal only, salad only, soup and sandwich only, vegetarian, Indian-French, Thai vegan, mock meat, and the list goes on to infinity. It's quite lovely.
It's not how big your space is, but what you do with it. I always talk about how small our studio is, but when people come over, they are amazed at what we have done to utilize the 400 square foot place. We may be slowly out growing it, I haven't lived in a place with a full kitchen for the past five years. When I see one, I go into shock.
You are what you read. New Yorkers are fairly well-read individuals (for the most part). Either they are well read in their professional area or well-read in many areas, it always amazes that I am learning from random strangers and friends who often quote different books, plays, or newspaper articles.
Community matters. I saw this lesson first hand while working in the local government. Some New Yorkers and most out-of-towners think there is NO community in New York. I beg to differ. There is a STRONG sense of community in many parts of New York, that Bloomberg has slowly destroyed. Holding myself back from going off on that tangent, the vibrancy of the New York community is seen through political struggles, street fairs, and the number of local run newspapers and blogs.
Everyone is a runner. New York boasts quite a big running population. Maybe it's because the gyms are expensive, maybe because the places are too small forcing us to be outside, or maybe it is due to the Marathon, but a lot of people run.
Fashion City of the World? I don't think New Yorkers are more fashionable than the rest of the world or U.S. I think fashion here is very cookie cutter and mass produced. I think finding your own voice is hard, because it is easily bought by corporate America and made into something that is no longer unique (i.e., Brooklyn/LES hipster fashion). But it is do-able.
You are not alone. In other cities, if you go to this show or that music concert, you'll probably be the only one among your circle of friends and their friends that attends such events. In NYC, you are one of 25 that are thinking the same, "I want to do that!" So, you will get used to waiting in long lines, arriving an hour or two early for a door that opens three hours later, and you end up talking to randoms, bring your iPod, or a good book (or New Yorker).
NY One and NPR are great media outlets. So, in NYC, there are only two ways (outside of the blogging/net world) to get your media fix. Although NY1 is only found on Time Warner (boo monopolies boo!), it is a great media station. And so is NPR.
Law & Order comes alive. Every single address means something. Every camera angle leads us to discussing where the action is taking place. And then slowly you realize it is a SHOW...a great show but a FAKE police show. Damn.
Drinking & smoking are common place. Although NY has banned smoking in restaurants and bars, the fact that New Yorkers still smoke (people who grew UP knowing cigs are bad) is astounding. They will face the frigid winds outside a bar to deal with their nicotine fix. And it will be a mass of people, not just four or five. If you don't drink in NYC, people react a bit strangely to you. People are drinking all the time, and believe me bars cater to that fix. Happy hours that start at 2P? and HHs on the weekends? Lovely. :)

There are so many little things I have learned that I hope to share with you, in hopes that those outside of NYC will change their opinion of this place, and those inside will continue to foster the hope that keeps this city alive.

Previous Posts:
New York v. DC
What Do You Like About New York?
Finding A Community
In NYC

the skinny

2008-01-28T16:51:00.000-05:00

it's bullet point time, which is sorta like peanut butter and jelly time, but not that cool.

is it me or does one's chances of getting sick go up right around the time the mental faculties go down? i was really down and out on friday and got sick that day, followed by the next two days. i am still sick, but now it is just stuck in my face.
jazz sounds so much better in concert. i really, really love jazz music. we went to a Thelonious Monk tribute with Bill Cosby on Saturday. it was amazing, minus the fact that bill got all up in people's faces and left the show. eh, i was never a big fan anyway, but it did break the cosby fantasy that T and his family have of that show and the man.
remember i told you we bought expensive pillows? yeah, i am for sure allergic to them. sometimes, the most expensive isn't the best. off to return them back to macy's.
trying to find mercy for individuals can be a very tiresome and lonely path.
i'm looking forward to tonight. we have 11 blankets donated from all around. the number doesn't include the blankets we are planning on donating. i hope i'll be healed. walking around NYC from 12 to 4A with a cold doesn't sound fun, but it could be worse, right?

get up and get to it.

2008-01-25T18:00:00.000-05:00

i won't lie to you. these past few days i have NOT felt motivated to write. when i would get ready to sit down and write, my mind would be completely and utterly zapped. i don't know why i have nothing to talk about. perhaps i am depressed? well, today was a really, really crappy day. really effing crappy. like one of those days that you won't ever forget. like it changed my life type of days. yeah. that lovely.

last year, at this time, i was in a crappy mood. i wrote about nyc fashion faux pas, along with breaking the silence of a friend's sexual assault. although in a foul mood, i wrote two posts.

the year before that (can you believe i have written 707 blog entries? my goodness.), i didn't write anything, but two days later i wrote this little poem.

the sad part is that i know writing will help me out of the rut i am going through. the problem is the format. too many people who read this blog now know me or knew me before reading this blog, yet there are individuals who read my words who i don't know or don't care to know. ahhh, the quandary of private v. public persona. you can add that to the list dutifully titled "things to take care of".

where is my meditation cushion?

p.s. i have received six blankets. thank you to those who have sent them/dropped them by. next day it if you can!