The Life and Times of Chai

In the spirit of accountability, I am sharing my monthly goals. It's nice to have a list of things you want to accomplish and accomplish them. I'm proud of what I have done the first month of this new year.

January 2010 goals:

1. Lose five pounds.--I lost three.
   
2. Run/weight train at least twice during work week/once on weekend.-- I did that for two weeks.
   
3. Create financial forecast for year and budget for month. We did a fairly good job at keeping up with it.
   
4. Redevelop DVRP Board application.
5. Read one book that is business related.
6. Finish "The Corrections."--Goshdarnknit. I couldn't finish it still. Such a bad habit.
   
7. Get anniversary dates of friends and family.
8. Brainstorm proper systems for HBDC!.
9. Plan weekly menus.--Ooh, so close. But, fell during the last week.
   
10. Try on all my business clothes. Donate/tailor/trash.--Argh. Too Lazy To Try.
    
11. Reorganize downstairs office.--Sorta, but not done yet.
    
12. Clean out garage.--Ha.
13. Sign-in to local time bankand do four hours.--No one wanted my services.
    
14. Create vision folder.--Almost done.
    
15. Write.--Yeah to blogging and other forms of writing!
    
16. Send off snail mail to two friends and 28 cent project.

Not too shabby, right?

Here is my list of aspirations for February (a.k.a., the shortest month of the year!):

1. Turn in all HBDC! conference proposals on time.
2. Set-up downstairs book case.
   
3. Pamper myself twice this month.
4. Reach out to two female business owners for advice.
5. Get C&C branding.
6. Transfer C&C on to different platform.
7. Develop communications strategy for HBDC!
8. Work on HBDC! website.
9. Finish up interviewing potential DVRP ED candidates and hire someone.
10. Raise $25K for DVRP. Yes, $25K.
11. Start gratitude journal.
12. Create two hour space for me every week.
13. Shut down work/computer by 11:30P every day.
14. Watch one documentary movie
15. Finish two novels.
16. Attend PPFA-DC's book club.
17. Start FB project.
18. Finish creating office space downstairs.

On Sunday, Ana came over with a small baby's worth of magazines in honor of my request. In exchange, I made her white bean, sausage, and kale soup, topped off with vegan earl grey cupcakes with a lemon glaze. We chatted for a long time about our current dreams, our new ventures, and where we want to go.

This year, I came in with the resounding fact that my life is going to put on a different path. I know what path I would like to be on, and the doors of opportunity will open ever so slightly. Sometimes, you got have confidence about these things, right?

I dream of owning my own cafe, a space that reflects the needs of my community, my stomach, and my ears. I want a place where there is live music playing every day, while I knosh on a vegan sandwich and drink fair trade tea. I want a place where a collective of women can rent out for a book signing event or a clothing swamp or a ladies' political discourse meeting. I want a place where free lancers can rent an "office" where they can meet their clients in privacy, yet not have to pay exobinent amount of money to do so. I want to hire women-owned businesses to stock the food, the drinks, the construction, the interior designing, the electrical, the lighting, everything from top to bottom. But, the kicker is that I want this place to be a cooperative restaurant. One that you can pay some set amount of money and get a discount on food prices/renting and can attend a once-a-month meeting to discuss everything.

Wouldn't you love to kick it at this place? I most certainly would.

While walking around and ruminating about this idea this weekend, I found myself reading one of the DC History posts. It was a post that is located in my old hood but I never had read it before. While reading the history of Adams Morgan, I couldn't stop reading that the founder of Toy "R" Us started in DC. The store that I grew up in started here? Who would have thought that? I couldn't stop smiling.

Maybe I divulged too much information to the masses (hi loyal three readers!!), but I want to be held accountable as I walk down this road. I want to share how I will make my dreams a reality, even if the dream is split into tiny baby steps.

my friend started a project appropriately titled "the 28 cent project." once a month, you receive an email from the project with a story, a topic to write about, and a pen pal. you write on a postcard, using the prompt (or not), and add a 28 cent stamp to send it off to your pen pal. it's a fairly simple concept, but one that delights my soul. as my close friends and family know, i'm a sucker for snail mail.

on my to do list today, i had "go to post office and get 2 cent stamps." so i waited until 4P to go to the local office, which is conveniently located a block away. i get to the post office and the line is * t h i s * long. there are two people at the counter and a bagillion people in line. i look to my phone to check the date. yeah, january 20th. it was wild.

as a i stood in line for my 2 cent stamp, i just stared at the ladies behind the counter. i was frustrated with their lack of speediness. all i could do was judge. i started to judge dc and how it isn't like NYC. i judged them for not caring about our lives, our work schedules, our needs. i started to see myself get angry. i paused, took a deep breathe, and said to myself, "you have a choice to get frustrated and angry or to take this as an opportunity to relax." i relaxed, soft gaze and all....and started flipping through facebook. :)

it's crazy how many opportunities like my post office incident arise for us every day. we have to remember that we have a choice to react the way we do.

i write this with the sounds of howling fill up my home. T loves to howl with Chandi. after finishing up the three to five minute rendition, he exclaims, "good girl! good girl!" ahh, the things we teach our pup.

i've written so many blog posts in my head during my hiatus. i wrote about truth, house hunting, gossip, laughter in pain, and smelly socks. i wrote about moving, transitions, and impermanence. i wrote about love, heart break, and attaining our goals. through all of this "writing," i never wrote. as i sat down at a table over a teaism, with a collection of books and a new notebook, i read "the four agreements." i read about how our fears pause us from doing things that bring us joy. "am i good enough?" or "who is reading this and what do they think?" are thoughts that have crossed my mind. and surprisingly to me, they stalled me.

i stopped writing due to fear and not creating space for my happiness. i can't say that i overcame my fears, but i am slowly gearing back up to making my joy the number one priority instead of prioritizing other things.

okay--nuff about not writing, right?

I get lost in the morning. Over the past two days, I've been waking up at 5:30am and unable to go back to sleep. I get up with such gusto, thinking that I will take charge of the day, do all the things I can't do when the rest of the family is up. Instead, I find myself reading useless articles on the internet, flipping through photographs of people that live on my second (and sometimes third) moons, or cleaning out my inbox and getting trapped in answering the deep question, "subscribe or unsubscribe?"

Instead, I have a clear desire to write. I have a clear goal of meditating and practicing yoga. I have many articles bookmarked for intellectual stimulation. One of my favoritest meals is breakfast, so I can make breakfast. And, of course, nothing beats running in the morning as a quick pick me up.

And yet, I get stuck. I'm going to try and get out of this bad habit of tech heavy mornings and switch it to more activity and creativity based mornings. Just writing that gave me a sense of peace.

I'm writing this with a slurpee next to me. I've forgotten how much I loved these drinks. Anyway, it is crazy to be back in the hood. I have come to terms with the following:

As of right now, I can't see myself moving back to the Bay Area willingly.

Phew. I wrote it. It feels strange writing that, almost like a traitor. But, the reality is that this place is no longer me. Most of my friends that live out here are in the private sector or education. I, on the other hand, am not and will never be. I get the feeling that too many people out here are way into superficial things, like where you bought your house, the car you drive, and newest gadget you have. Now, I know each place has its thing. NYC has "oh my god, have you been to this new place or this hidden gem?" and DC has "oh my god, i know this politician's son and we are going to the World Bank's holiday party." So, I get it. But, for some reason, hidden superficiality makes me comfortable.

And, honestly, I don't dig having a car. Scratch that. I don't dig NEEDING a car to get around everywhere. It's annoying.

But, I love this place because it is home. It has given shelter, love, community, and delicious veggies to the people I love the mostest. And it holds a lot of memories than I can possibly remember. To the Bay, I love you, but I got to go back to the East.

The summer is finally here. It's amazing how fast this year has gone by. Didn't we just vote in Barack Obama? Weren't we getting over our Christmas lull, followed by winter blues? Weren't we just craving soups and crackers, while willowing away in our kitchens filled with untouched cookbooks?

Now I'm carrying a bigger bottle of water, a small face towel, and sunscreen. With all this humidity we face some hours of rain, so my bag also has a small umbrella. Ahh, the lovely DC summer has arrived on the scene.

This year has been wild. I've made strides in my professional career, including being selected for boards of two non-profits. I'm trying to continue to my hand at developing my own voice and criticism on theories and "this is how it has always been." I've been sought out by various media outlets for interviews, which has followed up by my desire to develop a media presence on issues I deem worthy being on our society's collective conscience. And, I've been applying to present at various conferences across our country on teen dating violence and sexual violence.

While the professional cup is overfilling, my personal life is also runneth over with projects. One project that has definitely been eating up a lot of time, but I'm damn proud of it. My friend and I started a blog documenting gender based public sexual harassment in the Washington, DC area. Surprisingly we have received a lot of fanfare from friends, strangers, and loved ones. It's been a trip. And, with that, I've been brainstorming a few book proposals! I realized, during my time away from Chat & Chai, that I enjoy, even gravitate towards, writing. All of this action on top of planning a youth convention for my community of Indians, another conference for Desi youth in the DC area, and a street harassment conference in October. Some how, I promise you, I'm still able to sleep.

I feel a little rusty coming back to this backdrop of public sharing in hopes that people get me. I'm thinking of different approaches to this blog to make it more cohesive and approachable instead of a diary. However, I'll explore that with you all another day.

Welcome back! :) I'm going to make myself a beautiful light dinner and enjoy that meal with T and Chandi.